California Enacts Alternate Side of the Street Pooping

In a drastic measure, Governor Newsom has declared that the state of California will be stepping up its policies to curtail the trend of citizens using the street as a toilet. The state will institute alternate side of the street pooping.

California, known as the excrement capitol of the USA, took the measures in a hope to lessen the risk of disease and pestilence. In certain areas of San Francisco, the situation is extremely dire and the crap is 6 inches deep as far as the eye can see.

Alternate Pooping

The Governor stated that he got the idea from New York City’s alternate side of the street parking. In NYC, drivers must move their cars based on the day of the week. This allows for the sanitation department to sweep and clean the streets.

California Enacts Alternate Side of the Street Pooping — California Enacts New Alternate Side Poop Laws

“The same principle will apply here” said Newsom. “For example, On a street running east to west, degenerates can only poop on the south side of the street for a few hours a day every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. On the other days, you poop on the north side. It’s very easy. Of course, Sundays and Holidays will be a free for all. Poop where ever you want until your heart is content.”

The World is My Toilet

Not everyone is in favor of the idea though. Street person, Nancie Mislanik told Madhouse News “WTF, North, South, East, West, I am not a compass, I poop when I have to where ever I am. The world is my toilet.”

Offenders will be given a $65 fine and will be deloused and sprayed with DDT by code enforcement. They will also be given free hypodermic needles, condoms and candy. They will then be automatically registered to vote and given a stimulus check and unemployment.