Adam Lambert Replaces James Hetfield in Metallica

metallicaLambertFinal

In a shocking announcement, Metallica has announced that Adam Lambert will be replacing James Hetfield as the band’s lead singer. Lambert is a former contestant on American Idol. Adam came in second on the eighth season of the contrived singing competition tv show.

Drummer Lars Ulrich has expressed his unhappiness many times concerning Hetfield and his shenanigans. Previous tours have been cancelled due to James returning to rehab. At that time, Lars was not happy and frantically searched for singers to replace Hetfield.

The Final Straw

The final straw came, once again, when Hetfield cried on stage in Brazil. Hetfield stopped playing the band’s song “One” and openly wept to the crowd. “I’ve gotta tell you I wasn’t feeling very good before I came out here. I was feeling a little bit insecure, like I’m an old guy, I can’t play anymore, I smell, my balls sag — all this bullshit that I tell myself in my head,” explained the singer. At this point Lars threw his drumsticks at Hetfield’s head and stormed off stage.

Adam Lambert Replaces James Hetfield in Metallica
Adam Lambert Joins Metallica

“I immediately started calling singers” said Ulrich. “Axl Rose was busy with the Guns n Roses tour, so I tried every other singer around. I tried Gaga, Streisand, Manilow, Snoop Dogg, you name it but no one was available.”

RuPaul suggested to Lars that he should reach out to Adam Lambert. Lambert of course replaced Freddie Mercury in Queen and did such a ridiculous and embarrassing job, that Lars could not resist. “He’s just the man we need” beamed Ulrich.

Lambert was overjoyed at the chance to sing with Metallica. “I love them, ‘Stairway to Heaven’ is my favorite. Luckily I have the perfect outfit too. I have this awesome leather hot pants ensemble and I am going to bedazzle the words ‘Enter Sandman’ on the butt.”

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97 thoughts on “Adam Lambert Replaces James Hetfield in Metallica”

    1. Dude, it’s satire. Are you familiar with satire? If not I suggest you learn because you’re gonna look like a total dumb ass in a lot of situations.

      2. I think Adam Lambert could make singing the phone book a #1 hit… fell in love with him on his very first tryout on idol

    3. Damn metallica I would be due your asses off. Nothing against Adam . But Lars and gang this just shows it’s all about the money not the fans you guess are that desperate to make a dollar . People want to see metallica the whole band . It’s would be like kiss going out with out Gene Simmons or Paul Stanley. Just shows you don’t give a flying fk about the fans you cheap ass mfers

      2. You can’t be that dumb right?
        You don’t actually think this is true. The first thing you see on the top of the page is that it’s a comedy mag. How you have made it this far in life is mindblowing

      1. Who TF you calling a FRUITCAKE??? Cant even show your face on your picture??? Must be one ugly mf!!!!

  2. No one can replace James Hetfield. Lars made a bad choice…. in surprised Kirk and Robert agreed to this!!!!!!😝

      1. He came no where close to Freddie Mercury. Freddie sang with passion, and all queen wrote music. Adam screams and prances about. I hate himu

        1. Adam, himself, said that he was not joining Queen to imitate Freddy. Adam is a great singer and needs to be seen for himself. Freddy is dead and I don’t believe anyone but Adam could have stepped to keep Queen alive. Come on! I wish Joplin was still alive but, when I hear someone sing her songs close to her voice, I remember back when I saw her sing live.

        2. My goodness. You are one angry person. Hate is a pretty strong word. Adam Lambert was and is amazing with Queen. Roger and Brian sing his praises so who are you to pass judgement. If you dont like him with Queen don’t listen… easy

        3. I saw Queen /Adam Lambert in New Orleans a few weeks ago. Adam did an absolutely amazing job as front man. No one could ever replace Freddie, but he gave it his whole heart. I’m forever a fan!

      1. People will believe anything they read. How can anyone be so gullible? Makes me scared for the future of the planet.

  4. Metallica is not worth seeing if Lars is not there love there music but will not go see them I Adam Lambert is sings for them

  6. Is you making fun of Adam Lambert meant to be a joke?? #NotFunny and neither is this article 🖕🏼

  11. Fantastic!!!!.. He NAILED it with Queen and since he’s a phenomenal and flexible, sexy, flamboyant, powerhouse singer.. he’ll blow EVERYONE out of the water with his performance with Metallica!! Can’t wait!!!

  15. Adam can sing any thing he will surprise everyone just wzit and see. Prople have trouble with change but this will be a great one.

  17. This is a joke people – calm down! Led Zeppelin recorded Stairway to Heaven. Adam would never leave Queen for this gig! They wish they could get Adam – he is beyond talented.

  18. My favorite part of articles like this are the dead serious comments telling people playing along with the joke, that it is a joke. They are unrelenting in their opinion that a funny comment is out of place because of the irrelevant nature of the absurd article. Now that’s comedy!

  19. Adam Lambert is a talented and gifted performer. For any one who appreciates music , you will be able to recognize this. He is versatile and has the capability to adapt to any role. I love that he is a true representation of himself. Adam keep performing because myself and many more love watching you perform.

  21. The fact Adam Lambert said that “Stairway to heaven” is his favourite Metallica song is extremely worrying for me

  24. Adam Lambert is an amazing singer and performer and can sing just about anything! And why would you put somebody down just for filling in for someone it’s not like he’s taking his place! With his strong and powerful voice I love to hear him sing anything!!

  25. The funniest part of this article were the comments!! Idek bout yall!! 🙄🙄🙄 Like, I’m compelled to explain every single joke in this article, but honestly, it would be a exercise in futility.

  27. Disappointed this isn’t actually true. I was like…”No way! He was literally just fronting for Queen yesterday, released an album two days ago, and now this?!?! Adam is off the rails and I’m here for it!” But then I kept reading the article…shucks 🙁

  28. THE WORLD’S ONLY ROCK N ROLL COMEDY MAGAZINE!

    And some people think this is news?? You’ll be telling me next that milli vanilli are making a return

  30. I’ve always said to myself and even Bill Clement to him if James could never sing he could replace him. Bill Clement is the announcer on NBC for the hockey games. Look him up he sounds just like James.

  31. my favorite part is where he says he loves Metallica and his favorite song by them is Stairway to Heaven. haaahahahaha!

    p.s. it says at the top of the page that this is a comedy magazine….

  35. First of all, Adam is busy with Queen and his own solo work. I know he likes Metallica and has performed Enter Sandman but this article is just stupid. Not happening…lets not bash Adam Lambert over this stupid article…is it April fools already? Thought it was September…

  36. Using Adam as a joke is not cool. He does a good job for Queen. If you don’t like him fine but to publicly embarrass him and make him look stupid makes you a jerk.

  39. Ok first of all, wow to anyone who is bashing on Adam. He is a fantastic singer, let’s see you do better. Second, please people, for the love of … Please learn how to spell check and some grammar. It is actually painful to read your ill mannered posts. Third joke or not he would do a great job if he was needed, but he NEVER claimed to be a remake of anyone. He is his own talent and puts his own spin. I think he is a flamboyant entertainer who is enjoyable to watch and that is where you should stop the comparison. No one could replace Freddy and Adam is as close as it could get. Just be happy

  40. Correct me if i am wrong but didnt queen and metallics reach out to adam lamber not vice versa? He has an amazing voice and never said he was trying to replace someone. Get your facts straight idiots lmao

  41. Metallica needs to practice a whole lot more before playing Stairway to Heaven. Adam is only stepping in for a temp gig. If only all great singers would step up and do a gig to help out, the world would be a beastly place.

    1. They could play that in their sleep. It is not an extremely difficult piece of music. Hell, they would speed it up and make it their own like every cover they have done.

  42. Adam Lambert is spectacular period. Saw him last night with Queen at the Global Citizen festival he was magnificent. His vocals were other worldly wonderful. Queen ask Adam to be their frontman not the other way around. Adam has said repeatedly he not trying to replace FM. However Brian has said repeatedly and Rodger they have never worked with anyone with the range and quality of vocals Adam has. They also said FM often could not sing the music even the ones he wrote or helped write in the key it was written and Adam can sing them beautifully in the correct key easily. They said it took FM 10 years to do many of the things Adam did early on in joining the band as the remarkable frontman he is for Queen. They also said no one is out singing Adam it not happening. To the Mark Martel trolls on here dont you dare try and say Rodger and Brian or senile. They are the most competent musicians a long with Adam out there. Yes it’s a stupid joke and even crazier article. However Metallica would be the luckiest band in the world if Adam would sing one line of a song with them. No Queen fan is having to endure a darn thing. Those stadiums and arenas are packed to the brim every time.

  43. Reading these comments tells me exactly why this world is so jacked up. The hateful and vile words to describe another human being is just uncalled for. So Adam Lambert is gay,big deal. So is Rob Halford from Judas priest,and he’ll rock Your f@#*ing face off. I’m sure there are plenty more gay rock artist’s who are or were(r.i.p) and it never mattered.And Adam did not ruin Queen. He made it possible for some fans to be able to hear their favorite Queen anthems live again. And I never would have thought that would be possible. Never thought I’d see Black Sabbath live, until I did. And it was awesome. And they didn’t have the original drummer. Music is a personal thing to each individual. Some like Van Halen,some like Van Hagar,some like both. Fake story or not, no reason for all the nastiness. We are all human. No one can/will replace Mercury or Hetfeild. But others can still rock that sh!t!!!

  44. Adam Lambert was not trying to replace Freddie, Adam is Adam and he has unbelievable vocals and stage presence. Adam sings and interprets songs as Adam not someone he is steping in for.

  45. I love ADAM LAMBERT he is the coolest guy there is he is a amazing singer there is he can rock you like a human being can do he’s the best person can put someone first that’s why I am a good fan if he’s I like him with QUEEN better.

  48. Wow the comments are way more funny than the article. The article is fanny as hell. People it is a joke. If you think this is serious you may have eaten to many tide pods.

  50. Wow really nothing at all first of all against Adam. He replaced an icon singer who passed away. But metallica be the fans once again are gonna suffer . It’s not the fans fault that James can’t keep is crap together . You say how much you care about your fans first that’s a line of B’s. All you cared about was the money and record sales. I hope the venues cancel your shows for one then come get your butts sued off. This is like going to see a kiss concert. With some one replacing Gene or Paul . All be you care about is the money and you’ll do anything to get it . Lars is the biggest piece of crap in the music biz. The band has been really hit desperate. I feel so sorry for the fans that worked hard saved to come and see a b s show. They are paying the same for their tickets as if James was there. It’s fraud they are not getting what they paid for. Meticalla you are that freaking desperate you’d screw your fans like that. Alot of other bands would of cancelled shows . Just out of respect be for the fans and re scheduled them .like I can said you got desperate and most of all greedy.

  53. Metallica continued their tour when james became a human torch! Metallica is a BAND, not a one man show! Relax people, they’ll be just fine!

  54. Adam Lambert is an awesome singer, but is ruining it for his none gay fans. He throws his sexuality around to much. He is just to gross for me and I loved him when he was on idol.Oh well, guess an Elton John he will never be.

  56. The article is completely stupid and obviously not true, and yet the humour begins when you get to the comments and see people actually believed it.

    You will also notice the only people saying this no name Adam guy are good are women. So it obvious he is terrible based on that alone.

  60. It makes me so sick the way society and ignorance judge people! Then people wonder why this world is messed up (you know what I wanted to say)! Get off your high horse and quit freaking judge others!! We ARE ALL HUMAN!

  61. Come on man really give James the time he needs to recover then pick it back up there are lots of us out there that truly love Metallica and know the music that would love to fill in for him untill he can get back in there . Me for one I know the music and would not make a mockery of it .best wishes for James get well brother look me up on Facebook Robert svoboda 🤟🤟

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