Yoko Ono Releases Christmas Album

A lot of Christmas dreams came true today. The long awaited Christmas Album by International songbird Yoko Ono was released. The album titled, “Yoko Screams Christmas” shot right to number one knocking Mariah Carey out of the top spot.

“Yoko Screams Christmas” features a duet with Neil Young on the John and Yoko Christmas classic, “Happy Xmas War is Over”. The first single is “Yule Log”, which is actually Yoko recorded on the toilet moving her bowels. In the background “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of The Year” by Andy Williams can be heard while Yoko’s earth quaking bowel movements roar on top of the music. The song goes on for over 9 minutes.

Genius

Music critic Nicholas Fairclough called the album, “Genius, Five stars. Yule Log by Yoko Ono is the most significant piece of music since Tchaikovsky. Not Tchaikovsky the Russian composer but Claude Tchaikovsky, the street person who plays Bohemian Rhapsody on his butt cheeks with metal spoons.”

Yoko of course is the wife of Beatle John Lennon. Many have blamed her over the years for the Beatles break up. Paul McCartney once said, “Of course she broke up The Beatles and sings like a cat stuck in a washing machine. But think of all the jokes this person has given us all over the years. I cannot think of any other person that has consistently been the butt of the joke for over 50 years. She is priceless.”

Avant-Garde

Yoko is an avant-garde artist known for her unusual and quite unique singing style. Some describe her as the songbird of our generation. Others describe her as the songbird that got caught in a blender of our generation.

Other tracks on the album include Yoko’s unique rendition of “The Christmas Song” made famous by Nat King Cole, “Feliz Navidad”, “Christmas Wrapping”, “Father Christmas” and “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”. The best track on the album by far though is her rendition of “White Christmas”. Yoko screams the phrase “White Christmas” over and over while the musical back track is doors creaking and fingernails on the chalk board. It is basically a Christmas version of Revolution #9.