Yankees Name Joey Gallo as New Team Captain

In a surprising move, the New York Yankees announced today that they have named outfielder Joey Gallo as the new team Captain. Gallo now takes his place among other Yankee greats named captain such as Lou Gehrig, Derek Jeter and Thurman Munson. 

The New York Yankees have a long storied tradition, and a glorious history. The team does a great job remembering its best and most memorable players through retired numbers. The Yankees honor some of their most important players by naming them “captain” while they are still playing. Being named captain may be an even greater honor than having your number retired. While the Bombers have retired 16 numbers the Yankees have only recognized 11 players as “captains.”

Crazy Joe Gallo

Joey Gallo has only been a Yankee for less than 2 years. However, during that time he has been extremely terrible. Gallo is currently batting .165 with 9 Home runs and 18 RBI. He is being paid $10 million per season with only 31 hits but 85 strikeouts. That means Gallo is on par to be paid $175,000 per hit. As bad as Gallo has been, for some reason the Yankee management has stuck with him. Rumors have sprung up that Gallo may have some dirt on Yankee Manager Aaron Boone. One fan suggested that Joey has photos of the team owner Hal Steinbrenner and a farm animal. Still others think Joey is related to mobster Crazy Joe Gallo.

Yankees General Manager, Brian Cashman told Madhouse News, “In the past, the team captain was a reward for years of outstanding service. However, in a strange way Gallo is outstanding in his terribleness. He is one of the worst players to ever put on a Yankee uniform and that is saying something. I also learned in Management school, if you have a terrible performer, promote them.”

The Worst

Cashman continued, “We have had some terrible players on the team through the years but Gallo is the worst. In the 70s there were notoriously bad players such as Horace Clarke and Fred Stanley. They have a lifetime batting average of .256 and .216 respectively. Gallo has a lifetime average of .203 and his average with the Yankees is like .160. Steve Balboni, Ruben Sierra, Skeeter Shelton and even Marv Throneberry seem like Babe Ruth compared to Gallo. ”

Fans have consistently booed Gallo, pelted him with garbage and hung him in effigy. Social media is abuzz with Gallo hate. Websites and groups have popped up for fans to discuss nothing but how bad Joey Gallo is. One fan, Mark Disselhoff made a very compelling offer to the Yankees. “Dear Yankees, I am a 50 year old man. I have never played in the major leagues but growing up I was the best wiffle ball player in Queens, NY. I am sure that I can bat .160 and strike out a lot. However, I am willing to do it for only $1 Million per season saving you $9 mil per year.” The Yankees are considering the offer. 

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