Trump to Women: No Equal Pay Until You Shovel Snow & Kill Spiders

President Trump has declared that women will never receive the same pay as men, unless they start shoveling snow and killing spiders. 

Trump made the announcement during a speech in front of the Ladies Auxiliary in Battlecreek Michigan. 

“How can women expect equal pay when they are not performing the same tasks?” asked Trump.

“Women must start killing their own spiders, they must start shoveling their own snow, and when there is a noise in the middle of the night, women must investigate on their own without waking their male partners. Only then will we be truly equal” said Trump, to a wildly enthusiastic crowd. 

‘Oh and when the ship is going down, no more of this women and children first jazz. It’s every man, woman and child for themselves. Then we will have reached equality. Untill that time, men deserve an extra $1 per hour for those risks.” roared the President.

Nancy Pelosi reacted to Trump’s claims saying, “I am not afraid of spiders, I would kill them myself, but I have my slave, I mean my houseboy Pedro kill them. As far as shoveling snow, what does that even mean? I would never do such a menial task.”