Trump Pretends to be Aerosmith

By Claudia Stavola

President Trump fooled supporters at a rally in Newport News, Virginia over the weekend when he dressed up and performed as Steven Tyler.

Tyler is one of many artists who have demanded Trump stop using their music at his events. Backstage video was leaked to both fake and real media where Trump can be heard discussing his plan. “Look. Nobody tells me no. I know Aero Smith. He’s a terrific guy. Wonderful guy. Great immune system. He’d never say no to me. It’s his Jewish manager putting the kibosh on everything.” When he said he planned to sing “Born in the USA,” advisor Riley Martin tried to explain to him that’s a Springsteen song and that it isn’t celebratory, but actually a depressing look at what Vietnam vets faced upon returning home. Martin immediately received a Tweet from the president that read: #FakeNews #YoureFired #Loser.

Trump hit the stage disguised in a sequined scarf and zebra-striped stretch pants with a navy blue blazer, oxford shoes, and his signature non-rock hairdo. Nobody seemed to notice something was amiss, even when he started singing Springsteen’s hit…or when he split his pants after farting out an entire Happy Meal. At one point, Alyssa Milano snuck into the event and got into an ‘80s-has-beens brawl with Scott Baio. She kept insisting she was the boss, but he told her he was in charge. They eventually took it to the parking lot where they hate-f**ked in his 1989 Caprice Classic.

Trump’s camp was again sent cease and desist letters from Tyler and Springsteen. Trump almost tried to use Slipknot’s music, but didn’t want to be affiliated with anybody who wears masks.