Tobacco & Alcohol Stocks Plunge as Keith Richards Quits Smoking & Drinking!
Shares of tobacco companies were hit hard again in premarket trade Monday, adding to the previous session’s losses, after The Wall Street Journal reported that Keith Richards has stopped smoking.
Keith Richards has been smoking 19 packs of cigarettes a day for 60 years and is the main source of revenue for Phillip Morris. The Rolling Stone guitarist said: “Quitting heroin is like hell, but it’s a short hell. Cigarettes are just always there, and you’ve always done it. I just pick ‘em up and light ‘em up without thinking about it.”
Keith Richards Quits Smoking
Wells Fargo analyst Bonnie Herzog recommended buying the cigarette maker stocks on the dip, however, as she believes Richards quitting smoking forever “is very unlikely. Most people quit for a day or two, maybe a week, but they always come crawling back. These cigarette companies know what they are doing. They do not like losing customers.”
In other news, Jack Daniels stock also plummeted with the news that Richards has cut back on drinking. Richards was good for 1000 cases of Jack Daniels per quarter.
Alcohol and Tobacco Industry lobbyist, Richard Chandler stated, “we will need to target school children to make up the lost business, that’s all. We always lose customers one way or another. The key is getting a whole new generation of customers. ”
Lil Teddy
The Alcohol and Tobacco industry are hard at work designing fun new cartoon characters and mascots. Word on the street is that the two industries have combined forces to come up with a super mascot, “Lil Teddy”. “Lil Teddy” is a rapping teddy bear that drinks and smokes. “The kids are gonna love it” said Chandler.
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Well, from 19 packs a day to nil…come on Keith..over 400 a day..to zilch…You will have to have amazing will power?? And to top it off with no breakfast…I mean a jug of bloody Mary’s….Why stop now??…Seriously giving up both at the same time after a life time off addiction? Good luck Keith I wish you all the best as do, I am sure, millions of other fans around the world ….But just remember was happened to Mick?
I Don’t Really Think That Everyone Would Be Thrilled That “Tobacco And Alcohol”. WOULD: Be All That Great
Around Youngsters And Kids.
Chris Brown…I totally agree with you 😊
Health kick? After all it would come down to quality of life….. thinking nicotine is the glue that kept him together!
Richard Chandler…SHAME on YOU! Wanting to target school children …to make up for the lost of $ And where do you think they will get the $ …by stealing from their parents or others ? By working? Wow! What great values you are promoting…if you have children …a good example for them! It’s more than obvious you don’t give a feck …where or how they get the $ as long as the industry gets it. Not to mention their short term and long term global health problems. Shame…Shame…Shame…on YOU