Tiger Woods Crash Caused By Frantic Attempt to Turn Off Bon Jovi on Radio

Tiger Woods has stated that his recent car crash occurred when he frantically tried to turn off the radio station that was playing an entire block of Bon Jovi songs. 

The 45-year-old golf legend was rescued Tuesday from the wreckage of a luxury SUV that he was driving and rushed to a nearby hospital in Los Angeles. Woods was reportedly on his way to a nearby country club to give golf lessons and pose for photos with a pair of NFL cheerleaders that morning.

“I was cruising along grooving to some ‘Hootie and the Blowfish’ ” said Woods, “I love me some Hootie – but then the radio malfunctioned and switched to some hair band station. I tried to turn it back but the radio was stuck. The DJ announced an entire hour dedicated to Bon Jovi and I panicked. I was banging the radio, trying to turn it off, anything I could think of. Then when ‘Living on a Prayer’ came on, I totally flipped out and was frantically trying to switch the station when I drove off the road. I really hate Bon Jovi!”

According to Sheriff Cesar Romero, the crash was “understandable due to the recent facts.” He told Madhouse News: “This has happened many times before. I have seen accidents due to Justin Bieber, The Macarena, and Gangnam Style but most are caused by Bon Jovi. Listeners can’t turn him off fast enough. I think there should be a law against Bon Jovi songs. It’s dangerous. I even almost crashed once when one of his songs came on. I really hate that guy.”

Woods suffered fractures to his tibia and a splattered patella, but that is nothing compared to the damage to his psyche. “The leg will heal” said Dr. Michael Scott, who is Woods’ surgeon. “But the emotional toll of being forced to listen to Bon Jovi will take some time. He will need therapy and a lot of Rolling Stones music to avoid long term PTSD. Man I hate Bon Jovi.”