Taylor Swift Interview

Infamous Rock journalist and internationally acclaimed interviewer Claude Balzac recently sat down for an in depth conversation with America’s Sweetheart, Taylor Swift.

Having sold over 200 million records globally, Swift is one of the best-selling musicians, the most-streamed female artist on Spotify, and the only act to have five albums with first-week sales of over one million copies in the US.

Madhouse Magazine: Hi Taylor and thanks for talking with us today.

Taylor Swift: Thank You, My Dad used to read Madhouse to me at bedtime every night. I would laugh until milk came out of my nose. I would go to sleep every night with a smile on my face.

Elvis

Madhouse: So I was reading that you recently bought the toilet that Elvis Presley died on

Taylor Swift: Yes, I am a huge Elvis Presley fan.I bought it for $2.7 million which is like $20 to you. Also I have a lot of death related collectibles. For example, my collection includes: Abraham Lincoln’s hat he was wearing at Ford’s Theater, JFK’s underpants and Kurt Cobain’s shotgun. Did you know Presley’s chronic constipation was the result of years of prescription drug abuse and high-fat, high-cholesterol gorging. It brought on what’s known as Valsalva’s maneuver. Put simply, the strain of attempting to defecate compressed the singer’s abdominal aorta, shutting down his heart, true story.

Taylor Swift Interview — Taylor Swift Illustration Circa 2011 by Paul King Art

Madhouse: Now Let’s discuss friends and enemies

Taylor Swift: Oh boy I got a lot of those.

Madhouse: Who is your bestie?

Flava Flav

Taylor Swift: [laughs] You are not going to believe this but my bestie is actually Flava Flav. Of course I am a big Public Enemy fan and Flava and Chuck D came backstage after my concert once. We got along like a house on fire. We had some 40’s and some blunts, it was great. So now me and Flava get together and watch Scarface and repeats of his show Flavor of Love.

Madhouse: Who do you hate

Taylor Swift: [laughs] Oh now that is a long list. I hate Kanye, Kim and her fat a$$. I hate Katy Perry, Scooter Braun, Diplo, Tracii Guns, Dee Snider, Sebastian Bach, Bon Jovi, Tina Fey, Whoopi Goldberg, Ellen, Demi Lovato and all of my exes.

Madhouse: Let’s talk about your boyfriends

Boyfriends

Taylor Swift: Ok let’s do it. Usually I blow this question off but for you Claude I am going to be brutally honest. First Joe Jonas is a complete douche that broke up with me over a text message. After he got married and had a baby I sent him a baby gift of a diaper filled with Flava Flavs poop. That was Flava’s idea.

Taylor Swift: John Mayer is a tool. He tries to be Jerry Garcia now but he is a fraud. John never liked their music. He is not sincere about anything, he stands for nothing and his music sucks. The best thing he ever did in his life is that he inspired me to write Dear John and that is a great song. It is better than any of his songs.

Taylor Swift: Jake Gyllenhaal was another weirdo. He stole my scarf and he wears it to his day. I got a little weirded out that he enjoyed making that Brokeback Mountain movie just a little too much. The rest of the guys were boring and I can’t even remember much about them.

Madhouse: What about James Hetfield of Metallica

Taylor Swift: Yes we dated while we were both single. He was my soul mate, I thought we would get married and I had already picked out the names of our children. Who knew that a metal singer with a neck tattoo and history of drug abuse would not make a great husband.

Madhouse: Travis Kelce

Taylor Swift: Yes my tight end man. Now he’s really my soul mate. I am sure you heard the big news. We are going to be live-streaming when we do it for the first time. Yes, it’s going to be the biggest event of all time. Stay tuned.

Madhouse: Thank you Taylor, We will certainly be looking forward to that.