Supreme Court Rules That Gene Simmons Invented Devil Horns

In a surprise 6-3 ruling, the Supreme Court has declared that Gene Simmons is the rightful owner and inventor of the Heavy Metal devil horns.

Simmons filed an application to trademark the hand gesture commonly known as the “devil horns” or “metal horns,” with the United States Patent and Trademark Office in 2017. He then withdrew the application after fan uproar and challenges by other artists. However, Simmons knew that he would quietly take this all the way to the supreme court.

Age Old Debate

The origin of the devil horns hand signal is an age old debate. Ronnie James Dio, Geezer Butler of Black Sabbath, the band Coven, Lawrence Welk, Barry Manilow and many others have laid claim to the sign of the horns. The occult driven band Coven, is clearly holding up the sign on their 1969 album. They also claim they have been photographed doing the gesture as far back as 1967. Then there is photographic evidence of Geezer Butler flashing the devil horns in 1969. Geezer claims that he invented it and showed it to Ronnie James Dio.

The Supreme Court reviewed all evidence and weighed the facts. After careful deliberation, they decided that KISS founder and snake oil salesman Gene Simmons is the rightful owner and can therefore trademark the horns.

Justice Clarence Thomas delivered the majority opinion for the ideologically divided court. Thomas wrote, “No one ever heard of the band Coven so they are out immediately. It is true there is a grainy blurry black and white photo of Geezer Butler with his hand up but he could be picking his nose. It is very inconclusive. On the other hand Ronnie James Dio definitely popularized the sign. However, I really like the song “Rock n Roll All Night” so therefore I rule in favor of Gene Simmons. Case Closed.”

In light of the ruling, starting immediately, the devil horns will be referred to as “The Simmons Horns” from this day forward. Anyone doing the Simmons horns will be guilty of trademark infringement. They will be forced to pay Gene Simmons $100 for every misuse of the horns. So it shall be written. So it shall be done.