Study: Pat Benatar Music is Cause of 95% of Violent Crimes

Crime has dropped dramatically all over the world and we know the reason. Just one day after Pat Benatar announced she will no longer perform her hit song, “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” crime rates have plummeted.

A new study just released shows that 95% of all violent crime is linked to Pat Benatar music. “We were shocked when Pat Benatar’s name kept coming up” said Werner Von Landingham of the Crime Institute. “Time after time, criminals would say they were listening to Benatar’s music before or while committing their crimes.“

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Benatar announced that she would no longer perform her hit song, “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” during an interview with Guns N Ammo Magazine. “I felt I had to do something” said Benatar. “I have not had a hit song since 1985 for chrissakes. That is almost 40 years. I am completely irrelevant but this will get my name in the papers. Do they still make papers?”

Study: Pat Benatar Music is Cause of 95% of Violent Crimes

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” was Benatar’s first top ten hit in 1980. The song was off her best selling album, “Crime of Passion”. Benatar told Madhouse News, “I am going to donate all the money I made from the song to crime victims. Just kidding, I am keeping it all but instead I will make a pointless and silly gesture.” Benatar then walked away laughing maniacally.

Fans in attendance at the Benatar concert in Michigan were not happy about the news. “Wtf” said Kenneth Huff. “I paid a lot of money to come here tonight and I want to hear ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’. Instead she played ‘We Belong’ three times, that song blows.

So That’s Where All The Crime Came From

Mayors all over the US were ecstatic with the drop in crime. “Oh so that’s where all this crime was coming from all these years” said Chicago Mayor whats her name. “I thought it was because of urban blight, decay, neglect and corruption. Glad to hear it’s because of rock music.”

Cities all over the world broke out into spontaneous songs. People rejoiced and danced in the streets. Gangs played games together ad hugged. It is a joyous day. Other Benatar songs that could be contributing to the crime rate include, “Love is a Battlefield” “Hell is For Children” “You Better Run” and many others.