Sebastian Bach Claims His Penis 'Shrunk' After Contracting COVID

Rocker Sebastian Bach who had to be hospitalized after contracting COVID-19 last August now claims that the disease left him with a shrunken penis and erectile dysfunction.

“When I got out of the hospital, I had some severe erectile dysfunction issues. It was like a wet noodle. A wet elbow macaroni if you will. Those symptoms gradually got slightly better with some medical attention and those little blue pills. However, I seem to be left with a lasting problem. My penis has shrunk,” Bach wrote in a letter to Joe Rogan’s podcast.

Shrinkage

“Before I got sick, I was above average, not huge, but definitely bigger than normal. I am assuming average is like 4 inches right? Now I’ve lost about an inch and a half and become decidedly less than average. I look like a baby down there. At best a two year old that just got out of the pool.”

Sebastian Bach Claims His Penis 'Shrunk' After Contracting COVID

Dr. Richard Head, a urologist in Oregon, confirmed, “COVID di*k is like a real thing. Yeah, yeah sure, it’s a real thing and no one paid me to say that. Everything I say is of my own free will, I am here on my own volition. I have seen a few other cases that were as extreme as Mr. Bach’s, and I advised those patients to continue life as a woman. Being trans is much more socially acceptable and way cooler than living with a micro penis.”

Pre Existing Condition

“I also lost my talent” claims Bach. “I was a talented singer and a great songwriter, now I am a talentless hack. I sound like crap and my songs suck a$$.” Dr. Richard Head confirmed that losing talent is not a by product of Covid. “Unfortunately, for Mr Bach, that was a pre existing condition” said Dr. Head.