Russell Westbrook Kidnapped by Iron Maiden Trivia Militia

By Claudia Stavola

A gang of old guys with gamer’s thumbs snuck into the Orlando bubble Friday night and grabbed NBA star Russell Westbrook.

Nobody questioned their presence since they looked like 1980s janitors. The group of sexagenarians who still live at home, put a Star Wars pillowcase over his head and tossed him into the ring leader’s Ford Focus (technically it’s his mom’s, but according to reports, she lets him use it after 7pm on weekends).

A bystander caught some of the commotion on his iPhone where you can hear the confused baller yelling, “What’s this all about?” to which the leader (known as Jeff Zlump) angrily screamed, “WHAT WAS THE B-SIDE TO ‘RUN TO THE HILLS’? YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS TO ANSWER!” The car then screeched off but hit a red light and patiently waited for it to turn green. Westbrook managed to turn his phone on to record the encounter which he believed was “a goof” set up by his teammates.

After peppering him with trivia questions, the gang of four men tried to rough him up but their Chef Boyardee bodies were no match for Westbrook. Not only did he know his Maiden, he put each man’s face in the sand with one hit.