Robert Plant Interview

Infamous Rock journalist and internationally acclaimed interviewer Claude Balzac recently sat down for an in depth conversation with the legendary golden god and frontman for Led Zeppelin, Robert Plant.

Madhouse Magazine: Hi Percy, thanks for hanging with me today. It is great to see you again.

Robert Plant: Claude my man, I love Madhouse. Madhouse kept me sane for all those years I was sitting around waiting for Page and Bonham to sober up. Your magazine kept me laughing while I used Rolling Stone mag to clean up the vomit.

Madhouse: Let’s talk about the old days. You got any crazy Zeppelin stories?

Plant: [laughs] Sure, I was recently thinking about that time we were flying around in our private jet in the 70s. It had a hot tub, a built in swimming pool, 3 fireplaces and hot and cold running groupies. One time, I think it was Germany, we got the pilots so drunk that they couldn’t fly the plane. Bonham took over and somehow managed to land the plane. He had no idea what he was doing. The madman had a groupie on his lap and bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. Those were some good times.

Madhouse: What is the truth behind the infamous fish story?

Plant: Well, it was Carmine Appice to blame for that. He was the drummer for Vanilla Fudge. He brought this diseased groupie around and made us all smell his fingers. It smelled like low tide at the sewage plant. Her butt hole was a breath of fresh air compared to her lady parts. Someone thought it would be a good idea to stick a shark inside of her and see what smelled worse. The shark died so I guess she won. However any one that witnessed this disgusting scene definitely lost.

Madhouse: Televangelist Paul Crouch once accused you of Satanism.

Plant: Yeah this dummy claimed that, when played backward, the “bustle in your hedgerow” segment of Stairway says, Here’s to my sweet Satan/The one whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan/He will give those with him 666/There was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan.

Madhouse: [laughs] Wow that is something

Plant: Yeah what kind of nonsense is that? Like I would spend weeks in the studio to hide a backward message like that. So on the next album I actually did hide a backward message that says, “Paul Crouch’s mom sews socks that smell.” I heard that Crouch was arrested while a hooker peed on him.

Madhouse: What is the status on a Led Zeppelin reunion?

Plant: You gotta move on Claude.

Madhouse: No, Me and millions of fans will never move on. Led Zeppelin is a part of us.

Plant: Well maybe Jimmy can get Axl Rose to sing my parts or David Cover Version. I will never do a full scale Zep reunion tour. I told Jimmy that maybe I would do a little acoustic thing with him. Maybe busk in the subway for spare change of something. I would be agreeable to that.

Madhouse: Who is Allison Krauss and how did you get together with her?

Plant: Honestly I don’t know. I just found myself singing with her one day. I never heard of her before but she is great. I love singing with her but I love the fact that it drives Page crazy even more.

Madhouse: You have been in the news a lot lately. You disarmed a robber.

Plant: I saw this big bloke waving a gun at the shop keeper’s head. I put a hurt on him, and he started crying like a baby. Woo Woo, let me go, I’m sorry. Well, I told him too late mate, we are waiting for police. Then he recognized me and asked me what’s a bustle in a hedgerow. I smacked him with a bottle for that one. And he was wearing a Rolling Stones shirt to boot! I held him down for about 20 minutes until police arrived. It turns out the guy was a big Led Zeppelin fan. He kept asking me about a Led Zeppelin reunion, and that got me angry, so I would choke him a little harder every time. Good thing the cops showed up when they did because the guy asked me how do I write songs. I was going to break his neck.

Madhouse: You were on the other side when a shop keeper accused you of shoplifting.

Plant: A store manager accused me of shoplifting after spotting a suspicious bulge in my pants. I joked with her that I was not stealing anything I was just glad to see her. Eventually I dropped my trousers in front of everyone and just stood there in me knickers to show I had nothing to hide.

Madhouse: You are a legend. Keep being you sir.

Plant: No Madhouse is a legend. You keep on Mad-housing.