Rick Nielsen Runs Out Of Gas in NJ: Refuses To Stop at Jon Bon Jovi Rest Area
Cheap Trick guitarist Rick Nielsen ran out of gas in NJ today because he refused to stop at the Jon Bon Jovi service area.
Nielsen was traveling from New York City to Atlantic City along the Garden State Parkway. “I was cruising down the highway” said Nielsen “Just listening to some tunes. I listen to nothing but Christmas songs this time of year. Anyway, the gas sensor is beeping away and glowing red like Rudolph’s nose. Up ahead is a sign for gas and food at the service area or rest area, whatever you call it.”
“I start pulling off then I see the sign says, ‘Jon Bon Jovi’. I slam on the brakes and cut the wheel back across three lanes of traffic. We cut off a commuter bus, my wife is screaming. We almost die but it was well worth it. I hate that sniveling little creep Bon Jovi. I would gladly run out of gas and pee on the side of the road before I use any facility with his name on it. I would gladly wander around and freeze in the woods like Christopher & Paulie on The Sopranos before I stop at a JBJ toilet.”
Well, Nielsen got his wish as he ran out of gas just 2 miles short of the next rest area. “I was going good” said Nielsen. “Cruising along, riding on fumes for ten miles. I thought I was going to make it then she started sputtering and she finally gave out about 2 miles short. What can you do except get out with your gas can and start hoofing it. About half a mile down the road I peed on the side of the road and after a mile I took a dump in the woods. Finally I made it and got my gas. On the way back a nice family of migrant workers gave me a ride in the back of their pickup truck. It was cold as a witches teat but I made it.”
Jon Bon Jovi is a neighbor and friend of NJ Governor Phil Murphy. They are Jazzercise partners and share a love of spelunking. Last year Murphy named a popular NJ glory hole after JBJ.
Nielsen refueled and made his way successfully to Atlantic City. “I made sure I had a full tank for the ride back. Why in gods name would you name anything after Bon Jovi. Well I can understand the glory hole, but a rest area? Why not name it after Danny Devito or Jack Nicholson or after a great NJ band, The Smithereens? I heard Tiger Woods once crashed his car frantically trying to turn the radio station when Bon Jovi came on. That I can understand”
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This is satire at it’s finest. I met Rick once in Atlanta. I’d finished my workout and had reclined on a poolside lounger at the hotel when he entered the pool and swam laps with his signature cap on. When he got out, I told him I’d seen the show the previous night and was from STL not far from his home. He couldn’t have been more gracious and I saw Cheap Trick for the fourth time in NY in 2020. I’d like to believe Rick is a fan if Jon’s if only for Bin Jovi’s philanthropy. Well written article which I hope is not lost on both stars.