Pete Rose Inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

By Claudia Stavola

Pete Rose will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame next year according to an unnamed source. The source is said to be a man who still wears bangs after 1977, and who bet against the Rock Hall that he’d be inducted. Although Rose is an ex-MLB player and manager, he’s a perfect candidate for the Rock Hall who don’t seem to understand the concept of their own institution.

According to RRHOF president, Greg Harris, Rose is a no-brainer inductee. “I was sitting at a craps table at The Tropicana in Vegas last month when all of a sudden, somebody comes up to the guy next to me and says, ‘Hey man, you’re Charlie Hustle! Can I get your autograph?’ I had no clue who Charlie Hustle was, but I knew that ‘The Hustle’ was one of the biggest songs of the ‘70s.”

Pete Rose Hall of Fame

“It was like a sign from above! I asked him if he’d ever been in a Hall of Fame before and he whacked me in the face with a mini baseball bat that he happened to be carrying in his suit jacket for some reason. When I came to, we had a couple of shots and a good laugh over the whole thing, and he explained that his real name was Pete Rose.” Harris went on to explain that Rose was one of his favorite gamblers of all time and he felt embarrassed for not recognizing him without his usual resting-guy-bitch-face.

Pete Rose Inducted Into The Rock Hall of Fame

Harris said that after all the hullabaloo over Biggie Smalls’ 2020 induction, the RRHOF figured they better at least get somebody with a bowl haircut to please old whites and the Midwest. There were plenty of names tossed around including Dr. Spock; Moe Howard; and cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch. Not surprisingly, no actual rock acts were considered. But Harris felt it was the right thing to do since Rose is one of the whitest people ever and will deflect from the negative attention brought by inducting a rapper whose biggest hits were just him blabbering over some of the greatest songs of all time.

But the induction is bittersweet for Rose since it’s an honor to be in any hall of fame, but it’s also painful after learning that the National Baseball Hall of Fame has created new categories for all types of degenerates except gamblers. Top achievers in the coke-addiction wing will include Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden. Lenny Dykstra will get his own grand theft auto/indecent exposure/fraud wing. There will also be wings dedicated to steroid abusers, domestic abusers, and miserable hotheads.

Still to be determined is whether Rose will wear a Reds cap; Phillies cap; or a Kangol cap.