Paul Stanley Vows To Wear Helmet At All Times For Safety

Kiss frontman Paul Stanley has vowed he will take any means necessary in order to ensure his safety. If that means wearing a helmet 24 hours per day, 7 days a week, then he is willing to do that.

Stanley who recently recovered from being sick, has stated that he has been living recklessly and will no longer take risks with his health and safety. “My life flashed in front of me but the good lord saved me” cried Paul. “I am not taking any more chances.”

Danger Danger

“Walking is dangerous. Being in a band is dangerous. Life is dangerous. Wearing a helmet will minimize those risks” said Stanley. “Anything can happen at any time, I could fall off the stage, fall down the stairs, you name it. I heard about a guy getting brain damage when he fell off the toilet. I bet he wishes he was wearing a helmet now doesn’t he?”

Paul has forced the rest of the band and crew to wear helmets at all times, but still hasn’t been able to convince Gene. “I really think that’s a bit much” said Gene. “Unless of course we can start selling KISS brand helmets.Yeah that’s the ticket. Maybe I will start wearing a helmet. There’s money to be made everywhere man. You just have to put your mind to it. Note to self, call lawyers about KISS helmets.”

Paul continued, “Ace and Peter should definitely be wearing helmets. Those drunken losers are lucky to be alive. I can’t believe they haven’t cracked their skulls open the way they flop around all hopped up on goofballs.”

Danger, Groupies Ahead

The audience will also have to wear helmets at all future concerts. “It’s very dangerous at a rock concert” said Paul. “People are throwing things, speakers and lights could fall. Groupies jumping around, you could lose an eye from a nipple. It’s probably best to wear goggles as well. It’s a horror show.”