Paul Simon Slips in Bathroom, Trapped in Toilet for 12 Hours!

Malibu California – Musician Paul Simon had quite the scare this weekend. He was literally terrorized by his own toilet.

Simon slipped on the soap in his bathroom and ended up stuck in the toilet for 12 hours. “I was taking a bath” said Paul. “I had a nice long soak with candles, wine and a nice Sade cd, the works. It was heavenly. I got a little silly and I was sliding on the bathroom floor like a seal. I love doing that. It is a lot of fun. Anyway, I was buck naked and I came running down the hall ready to do a belly flop, when I stepped on a bar of soap and went flying in the air. I landed right in the toilet. It sounded like a giant turd splashing in the bowl. I was dazed and out of it for a bit. When I came to, I realized I was hopelessly stuck.”

Edie Where Are You?

His wife Edie Brickell is on tour with Steve Martin and was not at home. Simon could not reach his cell phone and no one could hear his screams for help. “It was terrifying” said Simon, “but I made the best of it after awhile and wrote 3 songs while I was stuck in there.”

“I tried everything” continued Simon. “I even tried flushing myself to no avail. It was touch and go there for a while, I thought for sure this was it. The worst part was imagining all the jokes that would be used against me. That’s what kept me going. I didn’t want my legacy to end with headlines saying ‘Simon dies in the crapper’.”

California Raisin

The maid Jabulani Dubazana showed up for work at 8am and heard the faint cries for help coming from the bathroom. “I went into the bathroom and I could not believe what I witnessed.” I flushed the toilet a few times and pulled his arms and he popped right out. He looked like a tiny little raisin.”

Simon was bruised and pruned but is resting comfortably. He was embarrassed and his ego a little sore, but thankfully he was able to drink his own urine to stave off dehydration.