Ozzy Osbourne Rebuilt as Superhuman Bionic Iron Man

Fans all over the world were concerned when they heard the news that beloved rocker Ozzy Osbourne would be going in for surgery. The surgery was very hush, hush but the Osbourne camp hinted that it would be life altering. Rumors surfaced that the procedure would realign Ozzy’s back and neck from a fall he suffered back in 2019. However, a family source revealed to Madhouse News that Ozzy has been completely rebuilt as a Superhuman Bionic Iron Man.

Ozzy has had his fair share of health problems. The singer was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. In 2018, he had surgery for a potentially deadly boil on his buttocks. He was hospitalized the year prior for pneumonia and explosive diarrhea and forced to cancel part of his tour.

Ozzy Osbourne Superhero

Given all of his health issues, Doctors decided instead of just trying to repair Ozzy, they devised a plan to build Ozzy back better than ever. The team of surgeons got the idea from watching episodes of the 1970s TV show “The Six Million Dollar Man” and bingeing on the “Iron Man” super hero movies starring Robert Downey.

Ozzy Osbourne Rebuilt as Superhuman Bionic Iron Man

The team was led by Chief Surgeon and extreme comic book nerd, Joel Malkin. The 12 hour operation was a success and Ozzy was granted superhuman qualities. Malkin explained the new powers that Osbourne would now enjoy. “Ozzy can be called The Six Billion Dollar Man” said Dr. Malkin. “His right arm, both legs and left eye were replaced with ‘bionic’ implants that enhance his strength, speed and vision far above human norms: he can run at speeds of over60 mph, and his eye has a 20:1 zoom lens and infrared capabilities, while his bionic limbs all have the equivalent power of a bulldozer.”

Malkin continued, “In addition, we also created a mechanized suit of armor for Ozzy. This grants him a genius level intellect, extreme durability, agility, reflexes, and senses. Osbourne has Supersonic flight, missile projection and regenerative life support. He is set. We did not mess with his speech because we were afraid it may impact his ability to sing. Plus we love it. And we love Ozzy, who doesn’t?”