Nikki Sixx Funds Indian Boy’s Dream of Becoming a Proctologist

Rocker Nikki Sixx has made a young boy’s proctology dream come true. Nikki Sixx, the bass player for the band Motley Crue, is being called the Heavy Metal Santa Clause and Dr. Feelgood.

Little ‘Rama Shanbhag’ of Kerala, India has always dreamed of coming to the United States and becoming a proctologist. “Ever since I was a tiny baby, I was very interested in the anus, the colon, the rectum, anything like that. I like it all. Hemorrhoids, boils, carbuncles, pimples, dingleberries. I just can’t get enough.”

Rectum!? Nearly Killed ’em

Rama suffers from a rare form of gigantism, which caused his hands to grow disproportionately large. As a result of his illness, Rams has been bullied by his peers and was even refused admission to proctology school because his hands would ‘scare’ other children.

When Nikki Sixx, Bassist for the band ‘Motley Crue’, heard about Rama’s plight, he jumped right in to help. “I flew him right over here to Los Angeles and paid for his tuition at the best proctology school in California” said Sixx. “He is now enrolled at ‘The Seymour Butts Proctology Institute of America’ in Rancho Cucamonga. I volunteered to be his first patient also. I feel for the boy as I too share his love of the buttocks.”

Soft Touch

When asked if his giant hands could be a hindrance in the field of proctology, Rama replied, “I may have big hands and fingers, but I have a very soft touch.”

“I am so happy” said Rama. “It is a dream come true. Thank You Nikki Sixx. When other kids would go to the bakery to smell the freshly baked cakes and bread, I would hang around in public toilets. I love the smell of reeking buttocks.”