New Study: 83% of Rockstars Would Have Zero Chance of Dating Models
A new study that looked at 216 rock stars and other celebrities, found that 83.7 percent of the men lacked the looks necessary to date models. They also didn’t have adequate levels of charisma, charm, or intelligence that a super model would require before agreeing to a date.
According to the study by researchers at Stanford Medicine, Rock Stars were ranked and graded according to a number of criteria and then the data was loaded into a sophisticated algorithm to determine their datability. The study of course, removed all data such as wealth, power and Rock n Roll and judged the men as if they were just average citizens.
“The results were shocking” said researcher Nigel Culpepper. “As expected, rock stars such as Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Robert Plant, Jim Morrison, etc.. all scored very highly, but most of the others were ranked on the other side of the spectrum. Billy Joel scored a ranking of just 11%, Jay Z ranked at 3% and Howard Stern scored a dismal 1% datability.”
The most severe cases involved KISS bassist Gene Simmons, Twisted Sister singer Dee Snider and professional creep Harvey Weinstein who all scored a ‘0.0’. “You cannot get lower than 0.0” said researcher Gustaf Kierkegaard. “In other studies, we have had homeless troglodytes rank higher than 0.0, it really is shocking. I feel bad for these guys.”
When asked for comment, Dee Snider stated: “What do you mean I got a zero!? I am a handsome guy. Mick Jagger got a 98%!? I am definitely better looking than Jagger. This is an outrage. I demand a recount. It was rigged! Seal got higher than me too? OMG I must be hideous.” Unfortunately for Dee, to back up the stats, Mr. Snider even has his own urban dictionary entry where he is described as possibly the ugliest person alive.
Gene Simmons who has claimed that he has bedded down 5000 groupies in his life commented “Did you know that I am worth like $500 million and I have a very long tongue? I have slept with Cher. I spit blood and breath fire. Come on, cant I get a 10% for that!?”
