Neil Young Interview

Madhouse: Congratulations on becoming a United States citizen. 

Neil Young: Thank you very much. Even though I hate Trump, I hate Canada even more. I hate Loverboy, Justin Bieber, Arcade Fire and every other shitty band that ever came out of Canada. Rush sucks too. They are the dungeons and dragons of Rock n Roll. 

Madhouse: How is Married Life?

Neil Young: It is great. Daryl Hannah is amazing and the love of my life. I want to take this time to tell the world that she is pregnant and due in June! 

Madhouse: Congratulations again. Things seem to be going great for you, any chance of a CSNY reunion?

Neil Young: Did Hell freeze over? [laughs] I would agree to a Stills, Nash & Young reunion, but I will never perform with that fat bastard Crosby ever again. He is dead to me. If he was on fire I wouldn’t even pee on him. 

Madhouse: Well OK then. So let’s talk the 1980’s. WTF was that?

Neil Young: [laughs] Honestly I have never told anyone this before, but I took the entire decade of the 1980’s off and my twin brother Percival took over my career. Obviously Percival got the looks in the family and I got the talent. Percival made some questionable musical choices, and after hearing ‘Trans’ I said enough is enough and that gave me the incentive to record again. I came back strong in 1989 with ‘Rockin in the Free World’. Now that is how it is done Percival. Percy is living in a cabin up in Canada now and he is forbidden to write or record any music. Geffen was not happy! 

Madhouse: Tell us about your childhood. 

Neil Young: Well it was going great until Joni Mitchell gave me Polio. That’s another thing I never told anyone. She sneezed on me and the next thing I know I have polio. Sonofabitch. I wanted to slap the shit out of her. For christ sakes cover your mouth. I hope I get coronavirus, I am going right over Joni’s house and vomiting on her. I wrote ‘Down By The River’ Joni giving me polio and how I wanted to shoot her down by the river. Today is Neil Young’s Independence Day. I am letting it all out. What else do you want to know!?

Madhouse: So you are supporting Bernie Sanders?

Neil Young: For sure. I will be long dead before he starves us to death and we have to shoot our way out of Socialism, so what the heck. 

Madhouse: You were a big fan of Charles Manson too?

Neil Young: Well I wouldn’t say it quite that way but I did know him and he was quite charismatic. He picked up my guitar and impressed the whole room with his quirky, some might say Dylan-esque style. I told Reprise to sign him. If they did sign him, I think a whole lot of people would still be alive. He just wanted to be a rock star.

Madhouse: It was great talking with you Neil. Thanks for not attacking me like you did to that reporter a few years back. 

Neil Young: [laughs] He deserved it. He was a jackass. I bit his nose and broke three of his ribs. I am getting older, I don’t have time for nonsense. You are cool though and ask the best questions. I am a huge fan of Madhouse. I love it and I read it all the time.