Neil Young Allows Trump to Use Songs in Exchange For David Crosby’s Arrest

Neil Young and Donald Trump have come to an agreement. Young has agreed to allow the Trump campaign access to his entire song catalog, if the President arrests David Crosby. 

“I realized I hate Crosby way more than I hate Trump” said Young. “After I heard David shooting     off his mouth the other day, and disrespecting Eddie Van Halen, I knew I had to do something. I called Trump and said let’s talk. We met and laid out the groundwork.”

Neil Young & David Crosby have been enemies since 2014, when Crosby thought it was a good idea to publicly declare that Neil’s new girlfriend, Daryl Hannah, was a “purely poisonous predator” who wasn’t worthy of Young’s affection and isn’t good enough to lick his boots. Young would later marry Hannah and Crosby sent them a pig’s heart as a wedding present. Crosby would later apologize, but it fell on deaf ears.

The plan allows the Trump campaign to play any Neil Young song it chooses, at rallies, inaugurations, parties, dinners and any and all events. “It’s a great deal” said Trump, “The best deal of all time. There has never been a deal this in the history of music. I can play “Rockin’ in the Free World” at my rallies, “Like a Hurricane” at my inauguration and “Old Man” in the toilet if I like. I love Neil Young and I have no use for sloppy David Crosby. It will be my pleasure to have him arrested. I have deputized Ted Nugent and he is tracking Crosby as we speak.”

Young recently objected to Trump using his songs at his rallies, and even went so far as to threaten a lawsuit. However, Neil has appeared to make a complete turnaround and has even suggested that he will be voting Trump. “Look” said Young, “Crosby has been a thorn in my side for over 50 years. If my new BFF Donald gets rid of that thorn in my side, then he is OK by me. You know what they say, One hand washes the other. Allowing my songs to be used seems like a small price to pay to be free of Crosby once and for all.”

When asked about the deal, David Crosby commented “Wait, What!? Hey Donald let’s make a deal, you can use my songs if you cancel the arrest, or better yet arrest Neil and Daryl Hannah”. Crosby then packed a bag and was last seen heading to Mexico.