Neil Diamond Performs Circumcision!

Neil Diamond performed a circumcision on David Geffen’s grandson Abraham recently. The sacred event took place at the Temple Emanuel of Beverly Hills. Fans were delighted by the surprise guest Mohel.

Diamond is a trained Mohel. Neil studied for years under the tutelage of Rabbi Ari Fleischmann. A mohel under the Jewish faith is someone trained in the practice of brit milah, the “covenant of circumcision.”

Neil Diamond Performs Circumcision Like a Sturgeon

“Neil performed the act perfectly, and skillfully. There were no complications and the boy has healed beautifully” stated Geffen. “He is so smooth, like a surgeon. Neil has soft hands, the baby barely made a sound. He sliced through that baby wiener like he was carving a smoked salmon. It was a pleasure to watch.”

Also in attendance at the Bris were Barbra Streisand, Larry David, Adam Sandler, Woody Allen, Leonardo DiCaprio, Seth Rogen, Snoop Dogg and Kanye West. Sheila Hornstein of Bel Air Estates was overjoyed by the guest surgeon. “Oh my gawd” said Sheila, “I love Neil, look at him he is a vision standing up there in his bedazzled shirt. His hands are like buttah, I wish he would circumcise me.”

After the circumcision, guests were treated to a delightful lunch and Neil Diamond performed a short set of Acoustic songs. For an encore, Barbara Streisand joined Neil for their duet , during which they jokingly changed the lyrics to “You Don’t Bring Me Foreskin Anymore”!

Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg passed out during the ceremony. He told Madhouse News, “Fo Shizzle. Do you know what happens during this ceremony? They cut that poor babies Johnson off. I had no idea what I was in for. I thought it was like a bar mitzvah. When I saw that blood I hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. I hit my head and everything. You white people are crazy.”