Miley Cyrus Forced to Wear Dog Cone to Stop Her From Licking Herself

A judge has ordered singer Miley Cyrus to wear a dog collar of shame to prevent her from licking herself and others.

The collar, also known as Elizabethan collars, are usually meant to prevent dogs and cats who have just undergone surgery from chewing at their own wounds and stitches. The collar was named after Queen Elizabeth I (1558-1603) who was fond of forcing her enemies to wear the collars. Only back then, the collars had huge spikes on the inside and were cruel torture devices.

Don’t Lick In The Subway

In the case of Cyrus, it appears she has gotten out of control of late. She was apparently licking total strangers in the street, on the subway and in public restrooms. Diana Rodriguez told Madhouse News, “I was minding my own business sitting on the subway and this weird half naked girl sits down next to me. She has her tongue out and all of a sudden starts licking me. I slapped her silly and she just walked away liking the handrails and the steps. She was even eating the used chewing gum from the railings. I vomited into a garbage pail. That girl is gross. She had B.O also. She should shower more often.”

Cyrus’ Keepers requested and received a court ordered injunction after Miley injured herself by repeatedly attempting to lick her own butt hole. She wrenched her back and neck but was apparently successful in her attempts. She is quite flexible.

”Ms. Cyrus, your actions show extremely poor judgment and concern me for several reasons. I am stunned that you would attempt to lick your own orifices for any reason,” wrote Circuit Court Judge Allen Chapman in a letter. “I am very concerned that you lick total strangers in front of their peers. Therefore I am ordering you to wear the collar of shame for a period of no less than 3 years. Cyrus is expected to appeal the decision.