Metallica is Now Selling Fully Functional Lars Ulrich Toilets

A plumber/artist from Florida has designed and built a fully functional Lars Ulrich toilet. Metallica loved the toilet so much that they are now mass producing the item. The creepy toilet is currently for sale on the band’s website for $1799.00. When you need to ‘liquidate some assets’ or ‘Conduct an aerial strike on Porcelainistan’ let Lars be your toilet.

Created with plaster and porcelain, the toilet depicts drummer Ulrich in Metallica’s Eighties heyday with long hair and a cut-off T-shirt emblazoned with his name in the band’s iconic typeface. The toilet was designed with the highest of standards and includes a Fluidmaster fill valve, dual siphon jet and more. It operates at a water-saving 1.28 gpf (4.8 Lpf) and offers the ultimate in comfort with a 17″ ADA compliant ErgoHeight design. Perfect for unloading after an all you can eat buffet.

Metallica Lars Ulrich Toilet

When James Hetfield came across the toilet in a museum in Denmark he knew he had to have it. “I always wanted to crap on Lars, who hasn’t?” said James. “Then I thought every home should have a Lars toilet and we can make millions. I don’t think Gene Simmons even thought of a KISS toilet yet.”

Metallica is Now Selling Fully Functional Lars Ulrich Toilets

At first Lars was not thrilled with the idea but when he realized how much money he aims to make from this venture he hopped on board. “I thought James was mocking me” said Lars. “But then James explained that it was a tribute to my legend and my sparkling personality. He was laughing a lot though. Whatever, I am going to make like $50 Million off this toilet.”

Wait There’s More

Metallica has recorded a commercial for late night TV advertising the commode. Hetfield narrates over Metallica music, “This fashionable dual flush toilet design marries beauty with contemporary functionality adding comfort and elegance to any modern bathroom decor. Whether you are taking the ‘Browns to the Super bowl’ or ‘Releasing the Kraken’, this is the throne for you. Order Now and get a free Bidet attachment for those hard to reach places. Your undercarriage will shine like a crazy diamond. But wait there’s more, call in the next 30 minutes and receive a free roll of Toilet Paper with Lars face on it.”

At the end of the commercial Metallica fan Andrew Siok gives a testimonial. “I love my Lars Ulrich toilet. The power is incredible, the toilet can safely flush 24 golf balls for those extra heavy days. “I like sitting on the toilet and staring into Lars’ creepy eyes but then I also like to face away from Lars and feel him embrace me while I do my business. I bought two so my wife and I can sit together and hold hands while we ‘Drop the kids off at the Pool’.”