Metallica Drummer Lars Ulrich Launches New Fragrance: “Drummer Sweat”

Lars Ulrich New Fragrance. Metallica Drummer Lars Ulrich has launched a new signature scent, “Drummer Sweat”. It features gourmand notes of vanilla, cocoa, musk and his own ball sweat. The cologne is currently available in the US and will be coming soon to the UK.

Simply named “Drummer Sweat,” the fragrance is vegan, cruelty-free, and made with clean ingredients. Perfect for summer, the delicious amber gourmand features an array of warm enticing fragrance notes, including red berries, mandarin, cocoa, creamy vanilla and bodily secretions. Base notes include tonka bean, spicy notes, musk, butt crack and toe jam. Retailing for $168 in the US, the fragrance is currently available at gas stations, convenience stores and LarsNeedsMoney.com.

Smell Like Lars

“I felt what the world needs now is for everyone to smell like me” said Ulrich. “What better way to make that happen than to bottle my sweat. Make America smell like Lars again. I think this will unite us all. Plus hopefully I will make a lot of cash.”

Lars continued, “It is a simple process, I play the drums for a couple hours and they connect a tube to my underpants. The sweat pools in a bucket. When I am done they wring out my underpants. One bucket can make a thousand gallons of cologne. Then we sell a tiny bottle for like $200. It is genius man. Plus we call it vegan or whatever to appease those nuts. And there is a disclaimer on the packaging that No Drummers were harmed in the making of this cologne.”

Lars Ulrich New Fragrance

James Hetfield told Madhouse News, “What? Lars has a new fragrance and he is selling his sweat to people? This is the first I am hearing of this. Who would want to smell like Lars, he stinks, he smells like wide open A$$ and rotten fish. That guy is going to drive me to drink. I have to start a solo career. Are there any drummers out there? Call me.”

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