McDonalds Introduces Rock Star Happy Meals

To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the first-ever Happy Meal, McDonald’s is launching the Rock n Roll Happy Meal!

The new Happy Meals will celebrate some of Rock’s most controversial figures including: Marilyn Manson, GG Allin, Alice Cooper, Judas Priest, Iggy Pop, GWAR, Ozzy Osbourne, Sid Vicious and Slayer. 

The Happy Meals will feature art work of the Punk & Heavy Metal bands and will include an action figure. Food options for these special Happy Meals include the McRib sandwich, Filet O Fish, Chicken McPlant and Rat Penis McNuggets. 

Some Parents are outraged by the new Happy Meals. Rachel Sohn cackled, “I don’t want my 4 year old playing with a GG Allin action figure. I researched and did you know Allin got naked onstage, cut himself with glass and threw his own feces at audience members!? Wtf is McDonald’s thinking!? Can’t they just give us figures from “Frozen” or something like that!?”

Cindy McGaughey screeched, “Heavy Metal!? Punk Music!? If they are going to give away musical Happy Meals, couldn’t it be from some nice bands!? What about BTS? They are very acceptable, non threatening and have no genitals. Or what about Bon Jovi!? He is so nice, he is completely vanilla, plain, non controversial and also has no genitals. He would be perfect. But Sid Vicious!? Didn’t he kill his girlfriend and overdose in Jail!? That does not seem appropriate.”

Little Mike Maccioli, 7, was enthused about the new Happy Meals. “I am excited, I am going to collect the whole set. I hope they come with accessories like little hypodermic needles and knives. I hear the Alice Cooper figure comes with a guillotine. Ozzy comes with little bats that he can bite their heads off and GG Allin comes with squirting excrement. I can’t wait.”