Maynard James Keenan Assaults Shriner’s Hospital Kid

By Claudia Stavola

Maynard James Keenan assaulted a fan at a meet and greet after his band Tool performed in New Orleans. The fan happened to be Alec, the adorable spokesperson from the Shriner’s Hospital commercials. If you don’t know who Alec is, you’re not up at three in the morning with an overactive bladder watching Rockford Files reruns.

The drama unfolded when wheelchair-bound Alec approached the Tool frontman gushing about the performance and how long he’s been a fan. The always agitated Maynard seemed completely disinterested and farted in the teen’s face and then set fire to Danny Carey’s boots…while he was still wearing them.

Always the professional, Alec tried to laugh it off, which seemed to infuriate Keenan even further. He yelled, “What’s so funny punk?” Roadie Butch Tinkerton witnessed the whole incident stating, “I ain’t never seen nothin’ like that in all my years workin’ with bands. I mean, there was the time Sting threw a crudités platter at an employee who brought him lukewarm tee, but this was next-level shit.”

According to Tinkerton’s account, the Tool singer charged at Alec headfirst like a raging bull with giant ironic glasses. He managed to catapult him out of his wheelchair and pin him against the wall. Alec kept apologizing but Keenan wouldn’t let go of his neck. “He kept yelling something about a blanket; something like, ‘Where’s my fucking blanket! Do you know how cold my piece of shit tour bus is? Where’s my goddamn love-to-the-rescue blanket?!’ It was wild to watch it unfold.” When asked if he tried to step in, the roadie explained that he couldn’t because he has a thinning gray ponytail that isn’t fit for melee. He assured CBS News though that the boy was ok because the scuffle came to an abrupt halt when Keenan caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and started screaming, “Oh, you want some of this too asshole!” before trying to taser his own reflection.