Man Claims to Love Peter Criss Solo Album but Fails Polygraph Test

By Courtney Cronin Dold –

The Kiss Army was rocked with scandal this week when long time member Gary Mills, made a startling confession. He revealed that the Peter Criss 1978 Kiss solo album is his favorite of the four.

Gary proudly posted his love for The Catman’s first solo effort on his Facebook page and it has been causing quite a stir. Hundreds of comments quickly followed asking if Gary has even heard the other three albums and that he was quote “making up stories for attention.”

Famed Kiss podcaster Chris Polo expressed his concerns on his show ‘LONELY IS THE PODCASTER’. “There must be something seriously wrong with him to say something so insane. I guess that’s the kind of sugar papa likes.”

Catman Scratch Fever

The fans are calling it “Catman Scratch Fever” and are very concerned about Gary’s state of mind. The higher ups wanted to be one hundred percent sure before he was dishonorably charged from the Kiss Army.
After much deliberation they decided there’s no way he could be telling the truth and gave him a polygraph test.

Of course it was just as they suspected. Gary failed the polygraph, miserably. Ironically, there hasn’t been a fail his bad in the Kiss world since…Peter Criss’s 1978 solo record.

After the test Gary said, “It wasn’t all lies! “You Matter to Me” is a great song!”

Other Peter Criss fans finally came forward admitted it was a publicity stunt by Mills hoping the attention to would get Criss to rejoin the band for the End of the Road Tour. “It’s not like we’re saying we want him to play drums, Eric is the best drummer in the world! We just want him to come back to sing ‘Hard Luck Woman’ one last time!”

Who can argue with that? All charges have been dismissed and officials agreed that if Criss did return to sing his iconic songs, “…it would be (expletive)(expletive)(expletive) awesome!”

Peter Criss Album By Iwao Licensed Under CC By 2.0