Mall Hires Alice Cooper to Play Santa. Kids Run Screaming for Exits!
Meeting Santa is a scary time for a lot of young children, and it just got a lot scarier for a bunch of kids in Arizona. The Paradise Valley Mall in Phoenix Arizona thought it would be a good idea to hire Rocker Alice Cooper to play Santa this year, but things got ugly fast.
Excited Children were lined up to meet Santa. However that excitement turned to fear and horror when they got up close to “Ol Black Eyes’, Alice Cooper. At this point The youngsters horror quickly turned to terror and panic.
Alice Cooper is Santa!
“I think it was the black eye makeup that scared the kids” said Mall Security Guard Richard Edgington. “The makeup and the butchered baby dolls scenery terrified the kids. It was anarchy, kids were crying, screaming and running for the exits. Alice is a great guy, but kids just see the exterior and freak out.”
“Why would they think it was a good idea to hire a guy to play Santa that is known for decapitating babies during his concerts?” asked parent Dan Hornstein. “He chops his own head off on stage for chrisssake. My kid isn’t going to sleep for a month now because of this.”
Parent Tom Vanavan was outraged. “What dang fool thought it was a good idea to have Santa in a straight jacket with a live snake around his neck. My three grandchildren are traumatized. Santa Claus does not wear black eye makeup, what in tarnation is wrong with y’all.”
Paradise Valley Mall spokesperson Jay Lustig, told Madhouse News that the mall will pay for therapy for 6 months for any child negatively impacted by the event. “We will pay all therapy bills, and we have terminated Mr. Cooper’s employment as Santa Claus here at the mall. We have also decided not to continue with upcoming plans to have Marilyn Manson and Ozzy Osbourne as Santa.”
Related Stories: New Golden Girls Unveiled, Starring Ozzy, Elton, Alice & Paul McCartney!
Related Stories: New Ozzy Osbourne Elf On The Shelf Available Now
I think it’s a great concept do one for adults and one for kids. Charge the adults to get in. Big money!
Wow I grew up as a kid at that mall. I love AC he is an awesome person. So sad that people even kids do not always see the true person. Love you AC I am in New York now would have loved to have brought my kids to take pics with you.
omg
I love Alice Cooper would love to get a Santa pic.lol
I definitely would love to set on AC lap and get a autograph picture. I would of loved to see him in concert. He still is one of my favorite singers of all time. I love 70’s music. It definitely was the best
THIS IS THE DUMBEST IDEA IVE EVER HEARD OF!!! AC is SO not the one to be a SANTA!!
THIS 🎅🏼 IS SANTA!!!!! Just SMH!!! Shame on whoever came up with that worthless idea!!!
You do realize this never happened. This is a comedy piece, a crazy far-fetched idea that is so absurd it’s funny.
It would make a great scene in a holiday movie.
Completely Agree.
Exactly!
How stupid are people 😂
I’d hire him for my Christmas party!
Why not? It’s about as smart as hiring drag queens for children’s story hour, but AC is still the better choice.
Yes I know this is satire
Why not? It’s about as smart as hiring drag queens for children’s story hour, but AC is still the better choice.
Yes I know this is satire