Kiss Comes Out of Retirement For One More Final Tour

They’re back. KISS has announced that they are coming out of retirement. Yes, Just one week after completing the final show of their career, KISS will have one more final tour. Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley retracted all talk of retirement. They plan to continue until the duo’s cold dead bodies are dragged off the stage. 

KISS seemingly ended their 50 year run with two final shows at the famed Madison Square Garden on December 1 & 2. It was a fitting end to a long career that began and ended in New York City. Gene and Paul declared the band was ending. However, the brand would carry on forever as Avatars, sock puppets, comic books and amusement park attractions. 

Kiss Out Of Retirement

Simmons took to social media to declare, “We’re Back! After careful consideration we have made the conscious decision to do another tour. But this time it will really be the final, final end all tour. Paul and I along with those other 2 guys will do one final, I promise 4 year world tour. We will open up for the avatars at the Sphere in Vegas on New Year’s Eve. Then we will continue for the next 4 years and the Avatars will open for us.”

Fans are shocked and outraged at the news, especially the ones that paid a lot of money for final show merchandise. Jerry Bertschy was furious, “I paid $5000 for a final show ticket stub, T-Shirt and empty soda cup. That was going to be my retirement plan and now it is worthless. Thanks to Gene and Paul being so greedy, I will be working until I am 75 or until I drop right there on the line at the slaughter house. I swear that I got Hepatitis from the KISS comic book in 1977 when they added their blood to the ink.”

I Was Bored

Simmons and Stanley stated that the reason for returning to the road is simple, “I was bored” said Stanley. “For an entire week, I took walks, binged The Golden Girls and Murder She Wrote, took up shuffleboard and injured my hip playing Pickleball. Retirement is going to kill me, I have to get back out on the road.”

KISS have had 9 farewell tours, 7 reunion tours, 5 end of the road tours, 3 Sayonara, 2 adios and 1 We Hate Peter & Ace Forever tour. This latest farewell forever and ever tour will commence on New Year’s Eve and will end with one final show on The Great Wall of China in 2027. 

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