Kanye West Organizes a “Quarantine Together” Concert at Staples Center

-By Claudia Stavola

Self-proclaimed prophet, Kanye West, has announced his “Quarantine Together” concert scheduled for this weekend.

He explained, “It’s going to be epic yo. What better time to bring people together than during a quarantine? People be bored with this virus shit. Yeezy ain’t about that.” His concept is to hold a concert inside a giant bubble that will hold up to 10,00 people so they don’t feel isolated; and because he’s a moron.

Kanye Says Let’s all quarantine together

“The bubble is how we gonna protect people from this Don Corleone virus. I don’t know why nobody else thought of this. That’s why I’m a prophet and they ain’t.” The bubble will be made out of SKIMS (his wife, Kim Kardashian’s shapewear line) which is known for tightly holding things in with little room for breathing.

When people tried to explain to West what quarantining meant, he stared wide-eyed with drool rolling down his chin. He didn’t seem to grasp the concept of social distancing and not risking others’ safety. His assistant tried to explain it in simple terms that he could understand: “Apart good. Together bad.” It seemed to fall on deaf ears because he just continued giving details about the concert; sharing other highlights to expect. He said there will be a giant slide made of toilet paper. After you poop, you just slide down the Charmin slide to get wiped. He said this will prevent people from stealing toilet paper when they leave the show. He said he plans to end the concert with a unity circle in which everybody spits on their own hand and then holds the hand of the person next to them. “It’s sort of like blood brothers. It’s a way to say we’re in this together and nobody has to be alone in their quarantine.”