Kanye Buys House Next to Kim & Creates Obscene Hedge

Kanye West bought a $4.5 million home next door to his estranged wife Kim Kardashian. Kim was not happy however, when she awoke to see that Kanye trimmed a hedge bordering her property into an obscene gesture. 

Kanye spent hours meticulously trimming the bush into a naked man bending over and ‘mooning’. “I was like Edward Scissorhands” said West. “I was pruning, trimming and chopping that hedge into a true piece of art. It’s a masterpiece and it’s funny as hell.” 

Kanye Scissorhands

Kardashian was not amused. She was on the phone with the police, her attorney and a local priest all morning while plotting revenge. “I should blast his terrible music all night. That will fix him” laughed Kim. “He is such a jackass. He needs an exorcism. I have children here.”

Kim and Kanye are in the middle of a turbulent divorce. Kanye claims Kim K is preventing him from seeing his children and Kim claims Kanye put a hit out on her. Kanye counter attacked by posting on social media that Kim smells like a rotting walrus and has a loaf of sourdough bread in her panties. 

The home that Kanye purchased is just over 3,650 square feet, with 5 bedrooms and 0 bathrooms. He reportedly got into a bidding war and paid $421,000 over asking … just for the privilege to live next to Kim. 

The World is My Toilet

“I don’t need no bathroom” said Kanye. “The world is my toilet. I will pee over the fence into Kim’s yard. She will probably think it’s a sprinkler and dance around in it in her bathing suit.” Kanye then went on to say that the Kardashian women are poison. “They destroy every man that comes into contact with them. Look at me, Bruce, all of those basketball players. Damn they are more dangerous to black men than sickle cell.”

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