Journey Hires No Armed Drummer to One Up Def Leppard

Journey who is on tour with Def Leppard this summer, has hired a drummer with no arms, in an apparent bid to overshadow their tour mates. This is apparently a calculated move by Journey guitarist Neal Schon who does not like to be shown up in any way.

Def Leppard drummer, Rick Allen, lost his left arm in a car accident in 1985. Allen overcame the tragedy and he continues to play and tour with the band. A little known fact is that Ed Sheeran purchased Allens severed arm at auction? Def Leppard singer Joe Elliott commented, “That chubby little ginger haired freak bought the severed arm for his sick collection. Rick Allen hoped to purchase the limb but Sheeran outbid him and won’t give it up.”

Journey vs Def Leppard

Journey guitarist, Neal Schon, noticed that Def Leppard got a lot of publicity and traction from the one armed drummer story, so Schon went looking for a way that Journey could overshadow Def Leppard, and get the headlines.

Journey Hires No Armed Drummer to One Up Def Leppard

Schon knew he had found his man, when he came across no armed Canadian drummer, Alvin Law. “He was fantastic” said Schon. “This guy plays with his feet, his head his teeth. He’s amazing. Now maybe people will STFU about Steve Perry. Sure we replaced our legendary singer with an asian cover band singer we found in a bar in Bangkok, but now we have a drummer with no arms. Booyah! Take that Joe Elliott!”

Apparently, Schon also has a Keyboard player in the wings, that is just a human head. “I am saving this guy for the tour finale” giggled Schon. “He is just a human head that we carry around in a jar. We connect him to these electrodes and he plays the organ with his teeth, tongue and chin. Now that’s a show stopper.”

Willy

Def Leppard reacted with shock when told of the news. “What a bunch of wankers” said Rick Allen. “I am going to play the tour finale with my other arm tied behind my back. I will play the entire show using just my willy. Now top that Mr. Schon.”