Jimi Hendrix Fossilized Poop Sold at Auction for $1.7 Million

The fossilized feces of rockstar Jimi Hendrix has sold at auction for a cool $1.7 Million bucks. It was purchased by guitarist John Mayer, who outbid Trey Anastasio of the band Phish.

The bowel movement was uncovered by archaeologists at the site of the original 1969 Woodstock festival in Bethel Woods, NY. Initially a small team was working the site. However, after Janis Joplin’s underpants were discovered, a coop of Archaeologists from all over the world descended upon the site.

Fossil Dung

Apparently Jimi moved his bowels in the woods and over the last 50 years, the pooh fossilized. Fossil dung is known as coprolite, and the fossilized doo-doo provides valuable information about the lifestyles and diets of rock stars.

At any rate, In August, two excrement specialists from the Florida Museum of Natural History and a (very patient) witness meticulously inspected the coprolite specimen. “This was to determine if it was a true Jimi Hendrix poop fossil or just a wanna-be random fossilized poop. 30 other would-be coprolites found at the site, were “flushed,” as the specialists could not be certain that they were, in fact, actual fossilized poop. “They smelled like fossil poop and tasted like fossil poop but were not Jimi Hendrix poop.” said poop expert Danny Dandrea. “Good thing we didn’t step in it.”

Amazing Specimen

“It is an amazing specimen” giggled John Mayer. “It is the gem of my collection. Firstly, I plan to analyze the dookie in hopes it will reveal the secret of how to play the guitar solo from ‘Foxy Lady’.” Mayer has a large collection of oddities which includes Jerry Garcia’s missing finger and Howlin’ Wolf’s sphincter. 

At the present time Trey Anastasio is reportedly furious that Mayer outbid him. “That SOB took my gig playing with Dead & Company, and now he steals my excrement”, screamed Trey. “Mayer is a stale ham sandwich of a human. He deserves to be whipped across the nads with a car antennae. I hope he gets the plague from a vicious prairie dog.”

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*Cover Photo – Jimi Hendrix By Anton Johansson licensed under CC By 2.0