James Hetfield Patents New Guitar Chord

For centuries, musicians have been in search of the ‘Lost Chord’. James Hetfield of the band Metallica, claims to have found it. 

Hetfield has patented a brand new chord he calls ‘Hbm add14 sus’. H flat minor add14 suspended. Now, anyone who is familiar with music theory, knows in Western twelve-tone, even-tempered scale music, there are only twelve tones (“notes”) available. However, James claims to have invented a new chord based off of the ‘H’ note. 

“That is outrageous” screamed musicologist, Professor Rene Guilbeau. “You can NOT invent a new chord. It has all been done before. This makes me so angry when a dim witted rock musician thinks he has discovered a new note or chord. It is clearly an unusual variation of something that musicians have been using for hundreds of years. I would like to meet with Mr. Hetfield, discuss music theory with him and then smack him silly. ” 

“It is really very simple” said Hetfield. “You just have to know what you are looking for and where to find it. I patented the chord and the ‘H’ note, so if you want to play it, you will need to pay me $100 for every usage. And believe you me, you will want to pay me. The chord sounds like angels singing. The first time I discovered the chord, I thought I had seen heaven.”

Hetfield told Madhouse News that all songs on the upcoming album will make heavy use of the new ‘Hbm add 14 sus’ chord. “Yeah! It’s going to be amazing” growled the Metallica frontman.

Professor Guilbeau replied “Like the allegorical monkeys with their typewriters, you might eventually create something wonderful, but you would also surely produce a far greater proportion of incoherent drivel. In other words, if you don’t know what you’re doing, most of what you come up with is likely to be crap.”