Jagger & Richards Statues Removed Following Complaints

The statues of rock legends Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were unceremoniously removed from their hallowed pedestals after just one day. The city council took action following a chorus of shall we say, colorful complaints from the local community. It appears that these iconic likenesses were causing quite a stir. 

The Bronze figures depicting two of the world’s greatest Rock N Roll stars were unveiled just 1 day earlier. The Mick and Keith statues were located in their home town of Dartford, Kent. *Note: that is located in England somewhere. The statues, commissioned by Dartford borough council, show the pair in mid-performance. Jagger, wearing his trademark skintight trousers and singlet, is strutting with a microphone in hand. Richards has his head bent over his “Micawber” Telecaster guitar, which was a birthday gift from Eric Clapton. 

Jagger & Richards Statues Removed

Complaints flooded the council immediately. Local resident Nigel James complained, ”These so called statues attract the homeless, perverts, graffiti artists, drug users, musicians and pigeons. Who are these Rolling Stones anyway? They look like a bunch of drug takers and hoodlums with their loose women and fancy hair dryers.” 

The local chapter of “WHE” aka “We Hate Everything” launched a protest and chained themselves to the statues. “We hate the Stones” said spokesperson Alanna Meyers. “Don’t think we forgot about those song lyrics and controversies. Black and Blue, Sticky Fingers, Brown Sugar, Some Girls, Under My Thumb, Stupid Girl, Honky Tonk Women. Everything they have ever done is controversial, but damn they are good. Wait I didn’t want to say that out loud. Strike that from the record and remove these statues. Paint it Black you devils.”

Eva Lewarne complained, “These statues, especially the one of that Mick Jagger is obscene. The skin tight clothing leaves nothing to the imagination. It is bulging and disturbing yet I can’t stop looking at it. I can’t get any work done, I am sitting here staring at a stupid statue all day. It has to go. That other statue of Mr. Richards reeks of alcohol and urine.”

Mick and Keith met as teenagers on a platform of the town’s railway station in 1961, and joined the Rolling Stones the following year. They were both thrown out of Wentworth primary school in Dartford, and banned from the secondary schools. The Stones became one of the most successful bands in history, lasting more than 60 years to date.

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