Jackson Browne In Fistfight at Gandhi Peace Award Ceremony

NEW HAVEN, CT— Musician Jackson Browne was honored Friday night for a lifetime of activism by “Promoting Enduring Peace”. Browne was given the Gandhi Award, which previously went to Eleanor Roosevelt, Dr. Martin Luther King, Dr. Benjamin Spock, GG Allin, OJ Simpsom and Al Capone, among others.

Everything was all ‘Kumbaya’ until after the event. After the ceremony, Browne stopped to use the men’s room. A fan, Justin Jamieson, was using the urinal next to Browne and tried to strike up a conversation with the singer. “I am your biggest fan” gushed Jamieson. Jamieson asked Browne for an autograph and a handshake.

Browne told the man that this is certainly not the time or place for such a request, but the man persisted. Jamieson wanted to get a urinal selfie and a hug. Browne finally lost it when Jamieson farted in his direction.

“The guy was a total jackass” said Browne. “I saw red when this jerk farted in my direction and then waved it towards me with his hand. Who does that? He is an animal. A filthy animal.”

Doctor My Ear

Browne kneed the man in the groin repeatedly and then jammed his head in the toilet. Jackson flew into a rage tearing a sink out of the wall and then bit the mans ear off. Browne was seen leaving the venue with the ear still in his mouth and blood on his lips.

When asked if this incident would jeopardize Browne’s peace award, “Promoting Enduring Peace” Chairman, Babu Bhatt commented “Fuck No Motherf*cker! You don’t talk to a man in the Motherf*cking bathroom, you don’t ask for an autograph, you definitely don’t shake his hand! I say we give Jackson Browne a second peace award for taking a ‘peace’ of that jerks ear off!”