Ivanka Trump! My Life as a Punk! Drugs, Crime, Chlamydia! The True Story!

Ivanka Trump recently stated that she went though a punk phase. She was laughed at and ridiculed for it, as if a rich girl couldn’t be a true punk. Well we got the true story and details from Ivanka herself. She was the real deal. 

When I was 15, I hitchhiked to California, but I got arrested on the way. I don’t really wanna talk about this too much, but I’ll tell you a little bit. I was arrested in Indiana for armed robbery. I asked my father if he could pay a small bail to get me out. That’s one of the first times I ever asked him for anything, ya know? I was desperate. I was really scared, it was a rough place. And my father said, “Fuck you, rot there! You deserve it!” And then hung up. I was stuck there for a pretty long time. It was pretty bad. 

You see, I was hitchhiking and I met these kids from Flint, Michigan. I was kinda scared of them. They were very crazy. They were talking all this sick stuff and they kept saying how they wanted to cut someone’s head off. They wanted to strangle somebody. They had a thin wire and two hoops and they wanted to garrote somebody.

Finally they pulled over to a gas station in South Bend, Indiana, and robbed the place. We all got arrested. The police caught us because the driver tried to step on the gas in the junk car and it stalled. No one got away with nuthin’!

When I finally got out of jail, I went to New York. I managed to get a bus ticket, because I was really paranoid to hitchhike. I just didn’t wanna see any cops. When I got back to NYC, I moved into the Chelsea Hotel and got in with an odd bunch. I Joined a band, ‘The Bleeding Rectums’, we had a little local success but then things went bad because of drugs. I was sniffing a lot of glue at the time, and one night I stabbed a guy on 14th street. The band broke up. I had no where to go so I squatted in a flat on Bleecker. The whole bathroom was filled with puke and piss and shit—in the sink, in the toilets, on the floor—the whole place! I got chlamydia from that place. 

It was a very dark period, I saw a lot of dark things, met a lot of crazy people. My punk phase was a very adventurous 2 weeks. I am glad I am still alive to talk about it.