Investigative Report: Did Eileen Ever Come On?

By Claudia Stavola –

It’s been over three decades since Kevin Rowland of Dexy’s Midnight Runners pleaded with Eileen to come on. But what ever happened and why was Eileen so resistant?

Madhouse Magazine reporter Kelly Kapowski went to Ireland to find out…only to learn the band is from England. Then Kapowski went to England. Her first stop was a denim overalls retailer. She didn’t go there to interview anyone. She just has bad taste and wanted some overalls.

After her shitty shopping spree, our reporter was given a tip, just the tip, about a shoe store in east London where Rowland supposedly first met Eileen. Ms. Kapowski spoke with proprietor, Simon Fernsby. “Yeah, sure. I remember that bloke. He used to come in here looking like dog’s dinner with that messy mop and exposed titties. He made quite a kerfuffle over Eileen.” (She worked there from ‘80 to ‘85)

We tracked down Eileen who was living with Josie on a vacation faraway. We told her we’d come around to talk it over and she had this to say, “All I remember is that plonker used to come in the shoe store every day begging, ‘Come on Eileen, come on.’ I just thought it was the ugly one from Bananarama.” We spoke with Rowland for his side of the story. He said she did finally come on and has been stalking him ever since pleading, “Don’t, don’t you want me?’