Interview With Neil Young & Joe Rogan

Madhouse Magazine volunteered to mediate and document an historic peace summit with all Neil Young and Joe Rogan. Madhouse editor Claude Balzac, Rogan and Neil met at an undisclosed location with our chief negotiator Claude Kissinger. Claude is the son of former Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, and has a PHD in Psychotherapy.

Madhouse: Welcome Gentlemen, What’s New?

Neil Young/Joe Rogan: [Both Laugh]

Madhouse: It sure has been a busy week for you two. Have you guys ever met before?

Joe Rogan: No we never have, but I am a big fan of Neil’s music.

Neil Young: And I used to love watching Fear Factor. Maybe later you can stuff rats into my pants or something?

Madhouse: I am glad we can start on common ground. You both were Bernie Sanders supporters.

Neil Young: For sure, I figured if Sanders won, I would have been long dead before he starved us to death and we had to shoot our way out of Socialism, so what the heck.

Joe Rogan: [laughs]

Madhouse: You are both fans of Weed as well right?

Joe Rogan: I sure am, let’s blaze some now.

Neil Young: Sure don’t mind if I do.

Madhouse: And of course, you are both big fans of Madhouse Magazine

Neil Young: Absolutely, I love when you make fun of David Crosby. My favorite article was the one about Crosby being anally gored by a bull.

Joe Rogan: That is hysterical. Madhouse is the best.

Madhouse: Ok let’s get to it now. Neil what is your problem with Joe?

Neil Young: Well I want to start off by saying I never really heard Joe’s podcast. But I read on CNN that Joe claims eye of newt is the best cure.

Joe Rogan: Come on man, I never said that.

Neil Young: Well you have to understand that I am very sensitive to this issue. I had Polio as a kid. Joni Mitchell gave me Polio. That’s another thing I never told anyone. She sneezed on me and the next thing I know I have polio. Sonofabitch. I wanted to slap the $hit out of her. For christ sakes cover your mouth. I hope I get sick, I am going right over Joni’s house and vomiting on her. I wrote, ‘Down By The River’ about Joni giving me polio and how I wanted to shoot her down by the river.

Joe Rogan: I love that song. I am sorry you went through that, but the world is different today. No one forced anything on you though correct? You had freedom of choice?

Neil Young: Well yes, but they did give me Paul Anka tickets as an incentive. I got 3 doses and yet I still got Polio – but because of that I only got it in one leg.

Joe Rogan: That is absurd. I have a problem with you trying to have me censored though. What happened to freedom and all that hippie bull$hit? When exactly did you become part of the establishment?

Neil Young: It’s funny how that happens. You think you are a rebel then one day you wake up and realize that the Government knows best. I realized that life is much easier this way. I am tired. I have been fighting for a long time, you get tired so you just give in and go along with the majority. Maybe Nixon was right. Maybe The National Guard was right with those pesky kids. I feel like shooting at the neighborhood kids when they run on my lawn so I understand. And to be honest with you, I sold my catalog and I have no idea how to use Spotify. I was just coming off a three hour power nap and I was cranky and groggy. I may have over reacted, Sorry bro.

Joe Rogan: Fair enough, if you put it that way I can’t argue. You do have a smoking wife though. And she is pretty wacky too. Crazy pu$$y is the best pu$$y, Congratulations bro.

Neil Young: [laughs and high fives Joe] You got that right brother. That’s one more thing we can agree on.

Joe Rogan: You were a bad a$$ back in the day too. I remember reading a couple years ago you beat up a reporter.

Neil Young: [laughs] He deserved it. He was a jackass. I bit his nose and broke three of his ribs. I am getting older, I don’t have time for nonsense.

Joe Rogan: Maybe I can setup an MMA fight between you and Crosby

Neil Young: Oh man I would wear that fat MF out. I would stomp a mud hole in his a$$.

Neil Young: You know maybe you are right Joe. I just had a moment of clarity. WTF am I doing being a shill for the man. I am a rebel. You do you bro. Question authority. Fight the power. I am coming on your podcast next week. Let’s do this. Come on out to my ranch and hang out. I love this guy. Let’s Go Brandon!

Joe Rogan: Let’s do it. I love you too man.

Madhouse: Well I have to say this was a much bigger success than we could ever imagine. It’s good to see we can settle our differences and all get along. Let’s hug it out!