Ian Anderson Voted Best Rock n Roll Flautist For 55th Year in a Row
Ian Anderson, of the band Jethro Tull has been named the best Rock n Roll flute player aka flautist for the 55th consecutive year. The honor was unanimous and Anderson also came in second and third.
Anderson first won the award in 1967 when Jethro Tull first formed. “In the 1960s I actually had a little competition” said Ian. “There were a few bands here and there that incorporated a flute in a song or two. Honestly they were all hippie hacks. Over time though there was less and less competition and eventually I was the only nominee. Go ahead name another Rock n Roll flute player, I dare you. I double dog dare you. See, exactly as I thought.”
Ian Anderson Flautist
Anderson has won every flute award known to man. However even he does not know if the correct name should be flutist, flautist, flatulist or philatelist. Anderson is in the flute Hall of Fame and has been on the cover of Flute & Whistle magazine an amazing 512 times. Jethro Tull is still not in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame but ABBA, Notorious BIG and Lionel Richie are.
The Rolling Stone Rock n Roll Readers Poll is an annual feature in Rolling Stone magazine. Readers send in their favorite players at each instrument. “Rolling Stone magazine is now and always was a rag” said Anderson. “Jann Wenner is a fat little toad and a tosser. I have no idea who is running that corporate rag now, but back when I owned a Salmon farm it came in handy to clean the fish on.” Needless to say, Ian has never showed up to collect his Flautist of the Year award. “Rolling Stone can stuff that award up their bloated arses” said Anderson.
Jethro Tull
There is a long history of bad blood between Ian and Wenner. Anderson recalls that during a 1972 interview with Ben Fong Torres, Wenner walked in and accidentally called Anderson “Jethro Tull”. “I took my flute and rammed it sideways in that little freaks bum. He had to have surgery to extricate it but he never called me Jethro again. On a side note, that flute is in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame but I am not.”
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What bullshit. ” Hippie hack” my ass! I know for a fact that Ray Thomas of The Moody Blues is Best Rock n Roll Flautist of all time. Period. Besides didn’t MTV determine that Tull was a metal band? Anyway, I have it on good authority that gay jew Wenner keeps Ian’s flute in a drawer by his nightstand.