Huge Brawl Breaks Out at Jerry Springer’s Funeral

Jerry Springer’s funeral took a turn for the worse when a huge brawl broke out among the mourners. During the melee the casket was knocked over spilling Jerry’s remains onto the floor. A family friend laughed that Jerry would have it no other way.

The funeral took place in a suburb of Chicago and was open to all fans and former guests. Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves from all over the globe formed caravans to make the pilgrimage. Freaks, misfits, Juggalos, beggars and hangers on hopped freight trains, hitch hiked and stowed away to get to the event.

Jerry Springer

Jerry Springer was known as the good natured host of the wild and raunchy, “The Jerry Springer Show”. The ground breaking show brought human wreckage into our living rooms on a daily basis. The show featured the dregs of society and often ended in guests involved in a huge fight. Chairs were thrown, hair was pulled, and wigs were lost as the trash humans attacked each other with wreck less abandonment. Springer called it ‘escapist entertainment,’ while others saw the show as contributing to a dumbing-down decline in American social values.

Guests were treated to free beer at a pre funeral reception. The losers were drunk and sloppy by the time the funeral started. Things got ugly when 300 pound Morgan Schillig sat on little person Roberta Bogenschutz. The two women are mortal enemies and are both pregnant by the same troglodytic half wit, Gary Tuttle.

Funeral Brawl

Tuttle drop kicked Schillig right into the casket spilling Springer’s mortal remains onto the ground. Mourners then started throwing fists, chairs, bottles and anything they could get their hands on. As the brouhaha got out of control, guests pulled Nunchucks, stun guns, pool cues and tree branches. By the time the dust settled and the police regained control, the cemetery was left with $20,000 worth of damage.

A Springer producer commented, “I swear I heard Jerry laughing. He is undoubtedly looking down and laughing at this display. Jerry loved these freaks, they are his people. They may be smelly, dirty, dumb, sweaty, mouth breathing cretins, but they are all his. I only wish we thought to bring a camera and film this. We could have made a limited series out of it.”

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