Houston Astros Deported After New Cheating Scandal Uncovered

The entire Houston Astros team was deported to Cuba today after a shocking cheating scandal was uncovered. 

A landslide of evidence has appeared proving that The Astros were cheating since 2017. The team was stealing signs with cameras, morse code, and smoke signals. Joe Buck, hot dog vendors and even batboys were implicated. 

Announcer Joe Buck reported under oath that Astros player Jose Altuve talks in his sleep and he heard Altuve confess the entire sordid cheating story. “I satisfied Jose in every way and he fell dead asleep” said Buck. “Drunks, kids and satiated men never lie.”

A photo uncovered by Madhouse News from the 2019 Playoffs clearly shows the Astros scoreboard displaying “The Next Pitch is a Curveball”.  On that same pitch Jose Altuve hit a Home-run. 

In a shocking bipartisan showing, Congress, The Senate and President Trump unanimously agreed to deport the entire team to Cuba. Cuba loves baseball and readily agreed to accept the team. 

Any Astros players that are U.S citizens, had their citizenship stripped. The team was rounded up by ICE agents and deported immediately. President Trump waved to the team as they were boarding the airplane and yelled “Sayonara douchebags”.