Henry Rollins Working P/T as Walmart Greeter to Make Ends Meet

Henry Rollins as Walmart Greeter! Punk icon Henry Rollins was spotted working at a Walmart in Burbank, California. Rollins is working as the store’s greeter. He was seen welcoming customers as they enter the store with a menacing stare.

Henry Rollins

Henry Rollins is a singer, writer, spoken word artist, actor, and all around swell guy. Rollins fronted the California hardcore band Black Flag from 1981 to 1986. Following the band’s breakup, he formed the Rollins Band, which toured with a number of lineups from 1987 to 2003 and in 2006. He is also a radio/tv show host and has appeared in many films and television shows include a recurring role on “Sons of Anarchy”.

Henry Rollins Walmart Greeter

Madhouse News caught up with Rollins and asked why a millionaire rock star would be working at Walmart. “It’s simple” said Rollins, “I need the money. Sure, I know I have a net worth that most of you dream about but have you seen the price of eggs lately? It’s ridiculous. Plus no one buys my albums anymore, I made $3.17 off my streaming royalties last month. That will buy you one egg.”

Walmart Greeter

Henry explained his duties to us, “I stand at the font door with my arms folded glaring at all of the freaks and weirdos. If anyone looks at me sideways I will crack their skull. If they are nice, I will offer coupons and assist with cart selection. Some clown sassed me the other day and I screamed in his face for three full minutes like a drill Sergeant. He understands the rules of Walmart now.”

“There are many positives to working at Walmart. They have great benefits including paid vacations, tuition reimbursement, 401k and medical insurance including dental. Do you think Black Flag offers me health insurance? Plus you can’t beat the people watching. There are nothing but fruits and nuts in California and they all come to Walmart. You can’t even imagine the diseased freaks that come strolling in here. Sometimes I feel like I am tripping on mushrooms watching the bar scene from Star Wars.”

Garfield The Greeter

Henry works P/T at the store and helps out in all departments. The other employees know him as Garfield the Greeter. Henry’s birth name is Henry Lawrence Garfield. When told that Garfield the Greeter is an International Punk Rock Star, fellow employee Ryan Maynard was shocked. “Garfield is a rockstar? People idolize him? He seems like such an intense psycho. I can’t imagine him being in a band. He seems more like a guy that would work at Walmart. I wouldn’t mess with him, he choked out a fellow employee for eating his lunch. Garfield caught the guy eating his Chalupa and grabbed him by the throat until he passed out. The guy ain’t right.”

Now that the word is out, Rollins fans from all over the world are descending upon the store in hopes of getting a glimpse of their hero. Bob Morris drove 13 hours to buy a case of Diet Coke and talk to Rollins for 30 seconds. “It was awesome” said Morris. “I told Henry that I am a big fan and I like the Black Flag song TV Party. We are good friends now.” Sales at the store are off the charts and Walmart stock shot up to the highest price ever.