Happy Birthday John Mayer
John Clayton Mayer was born October 16, 1977 in Bridgeport, Connecticut. We researched John’s entire life and could not find anything the least bit interesting. He was a suburban shopping mall kid, played video games, practiced guitar and masturbated furiously to pee porn.
John became good at the guitar, knew all the notes and practiced his scales religiously. He had some hit songs that prepubescent girls swooned over. He became rich and famous and dated a lot of dim witted Hollywood type chicks.
Weezy
Controversy struck in 2010 when Joh said the “N” word during an interview with Playboy when describing Weezy from the Jeffersons. He was labeled a racist and misogynist after that. He later cried and apologized and allowed Jesse Jackson to whip his bare buttocks with a car antennae on The Ellen Degeneres show. All was forgotten.
Somehow Bob Weir & The Grateful Dead allowed John Mayer to join the band and play with them as Dead & Company or some such nonsense. It is rumored that Jerry Garcia haunts Bob Weir every night cursing him for allowing a sappy corporate musician into their band.
John is active on social media and last year shared an embarrassing incident with his followers. He is so committed to skin care, grooming and man-scaping, that he couldn’t sit down for three days due to a burning rash from an allergic reaction to the hydrogen peroxide used to bleach his butt hole.
The Emperor’s New Music
A concert review sums up Mayer perfectly. When it comes to John Mayer, I have always felt it was like “The Emperors New Clothes”. How did this guy manage to bamboozle everyone except me and Chris Robinson? We all know John Mayer sucks, but we are afraid to say it. Why!? Does he have nude photos of all of you? This music is Mediocrity at its best! Mayer’s music is like a Ken Doll: safe, boring, non threatening and no genitals.
Mayer has a net worth of $40 million and spends a lot of money on expensive watches. He collects girlfriends and enjoys making love while his own songs play in the background. Happy Birthday John!
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