Happy Birthday Jimmy Buffett

James William Buffett was born December 25, 1946 in Pascagoula, Mississippi. Young James was born a trust fund baby and grew up in landlocked Chicago. He gets seasick and is terrified of the sea. His father was an investment banker, his Grandfather was an investment banker. Son of a Son of a Douchebag. Warren Buffett is his Uncle. 

Buffett formed his Beach Bum, Key West, Sailor personality with the help of the Chicago PR firm “Dewey, Cheatem & Howe”. Many conspiracy theories allege that Jimmy Buffett played a role in Jim Croce’s death. Record execs told Buffett that they had no room for another singer songwriter. Buffett devised a plot to tamper with Croce’s plane. Buffett had visited Croce’s farm in Pennsylvania and met with Croce in Florida immediately before the crash. After Croce’s death, ABC/Dunhill Records tapped Buffett to fill his space. The rest is history.

Buffett went on to have a few hits including “Margaritaville”. Aside from his career in music, Buffett is also a best-selling author and is involved in two restaurant chains named after two of his best-known songs; he owns the Margaritaville Cafe restaurant chain and co-developed the Cheeseburger in Paradise restaurant chain. Buffett has capitalized and marketed himself to the hilt. He makes Gene Simmons look shy. This unabashed greed has made him one of the world’s richest musicians, with a net worth of $550 million. The Buffett brand also owns Casinos, Retirement homes, tequila, beer, marijuana, footwear, hemorrhoid cream, catheters, bed pans, adult diapers and 

In January 1996, Buffett’s airplane was shot down by Jamaican authorities when they thought he was a marijuana smuggler. Buffett and Bono of U2 were detained, questioned, and beaten in a Jamaican prison for 2 months until the US State department intervened. The Jamaican government later acknowledged the mistake and apologized to Buffett, who penned the song “Jamaica Mistaica” for his Banana Wind album based on the experience. 

Buffett was in the news recently when he was accused of striking a police horse with a shovel in NYC. The trouble started when Buffett took offense to a police horse that used the bathroom in front of his property. Buffett set out with a shovel in hand to clean up the mess. Onlookers say that Buffett flung the crap at the horse, then attacked the innocent animal with the shovel. Unprovoked. However, Buffett had a different story. “I went out with the shovel just to clean up the horse crap” said Buffett “but then the horse was looking at me. I yelled at him to stop looking at me, and I swear he laughed at me. I then flung the crap at the horse, and he drop kicked me right in the knee cap. I lost it and ran after him with the shovel.”