Happy Birthday Gene Simmons

Gene Klein aka Chaim Witz sometimes referred to as ‘The Demon’, ‘The God of Thunder’, ‘Dr. Love’, ‘Reginald Van Helsing’, ‘Senor Moneybags’, ‘Minister of Greed’, ‘Duke of Avarice’ and ‘Sultan of Schmegegge’ was born August 25, 1949 in Israel.

At age 8, Gene emigrated to the US and settled with his mother in NYC. To make ends meet, young Gene would sell homing pigeons. He only had 1 pigeon which he sold over and over. After every sale, the pigeon would return back home to Gene and the boy would sell him again the next day.

KISS

Little Gene’s life was forever transformed when he watched The Beatles on Ed Sullivan. He vowed to become a rock star. ‘Kiss’ formed in 1973 after Paul Stanley placed an ad in the Village Voice stating “looking for bandmates with flash and ability, no time wasters, no one named Tommy need apply.” Kiss released their self-titled debut album in February 1974.

Happy Birthday Gene Simmons — Kiss Illustration By Paul King Art

Pyrotechnics, costumes, make up, blood – and that was just in Gene’s hotel room. Simmons claims to have slept with 5000 women, 3 goats, 2 chickens and 1 limbless little person. The list of women include Golda Meir, Diana Ross, Cher, Helen Keller, Jane Fonda, Bella Abzug, Rosie Grier and Hillary Clinton. His freakishly long tongue and days of groupies are long behind him and he is happily married with kids now.

Gene is the brains and brawn behind KISS and is the driving force behind their merchandise schemes. The bands sells unlimited items with their logo on it. KISS offers coffins, condoms, covid masks, toilets, colostomy bags and catheters.

Spam & Onions

Simmons compares KISS’ legacy in terms of cooking. Sure there were bands that were better, could play better, write better, sing better, better looking and more interesting. Sure Filet Mignon is fancy and all and tastes great but sometimes you just want SPAM with Onions and that is KISS. We are SPAM & Onions.

Gene Stands 6′ 1″ and weighs 187 lbs. So says his official bio. We think that may be with 1 leg on the scale but whatever. When not touring or making money, Simmons rolls around naked on his huge piles of money for fun. He is worth an astounding $450 million! Happy Birthday Gene!