Happy Birthday Elton John!

Reginald Kenneth Dwight was born March 25, 1947 somewhere in England to Stanley and Sheila Dwight. According to the movie, his parents were jerks.

Elton was a child prodigy and studied classical piano for many years until he discovered Rock n Roll. In 1967, Elton answered an ad in the back of an adult magazine ‘looking for nice pianist’. He ended up naked in the trunk of a car in Bangkok. That’s a story for another time. Elton then answered an ad for a lyricist looking for a pianist, and he met Bernie Taupin and the rest is history. Some say they may be the best pure songwriters of all time. One guy writes the music, the other writes the lyrics.

Elton became the biggest star of the 1970’s. He was everywhere. On the charts, on TV, pinball machines, lunch boxes and collectible cards and magazines. From 1969-1976, Elton had 11 albums in the US top 10. Including 6 #1 albums in a row. An amazing feat. Then wtf happened, i don’t know.

Hercules Hercules

In 1972, Reg Dwight legally changed his name to Elton Hercules John. It is said he chose the middle name “Hercules” because that’s what a friend used to call his willie.

Happy Birthday Elton John — Elton John Bernie Taupin Illustration By Paul King Art

A few years back, Sir Elton John caused grievous bodily injury to a fan who threw Mardi Gras beads hitting Elton in the teeth as he performed. Elton almost took the man’s head off with a Clothesline move. A Clothesline usually used in football and wrestling, is when someone extends an arm outwards stiffly and hits the opposition in the throat. The drunken fan was on the ground writhing in pain, as Elton climbed atop his piano and performed a flying elbow wrestling move to the man’s neck. Apparently Elton was very angry because when the man finally stumbled to his feet, Elton gave him a flying head scissors. Security was eventually able to pry Elton off the man. Elton then grabbed a pick axe and chased the group of fans out of the arena.

Low Hanging Fruit

Elton was most recently in the news when he was seen parading around town in a thong to show off his new ‘scrotum tuck. “I had some low hanging fruit” said Elton, “It was impacting my piano playing as they were swinging against the piano foot pedals when I was playing. After the procedure I feel 30 years younger now. I am tight and waxed and I want to show it off to the world.” Cheers Sir Elton!